WARNING: THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK IS MENTALLY INSANE

Ugh Why

I am done with this.

But at the same time, I'm not.

Okay, guys, there's something I feel like I need to confess to the few of you who actually read this. Alex, I am binding you to an oath of secrecy, ya little prick.

All right. *exhale* This might be a good chapter to skip since I'm ranting about my feelings at 12:18 pm on a Monday night.

There's this boy that I met a few years ago while putting on a production at my local theatre. His name is Benjamin. Though I was a--how do I put this nicely--FUCKING DORK, I really liked him. He's always happy, insanely funny, and seems to put up with me and my dark humor when I'm around him. I was in another production with him last summer, and I will be attending high school with him next year, with me as a freshman and him as a sophomore.

Long story short: I am in love with him.

He makes my heart speed up if he's less than ten yards away. His voice is so cheerful--plus, his singing voice is amazing. (Musical talent is really attractive, random teenage boys reading this.)

I've asked myself a question several times now: Do you like him, or the idea of him?

And every time, the answer is the former.

I have his phone number in my phone. I could call him right now and ask him on a date--maybe to see a movie at the cinema or something.

Except that my friend, Ariel, is dating him.

And he's happy, she's happy, and I'm miserable because I have to live with the fact that I love a boy I can never have--at least, not for a long time.

Until then, he shows up in my dreams. Just last night, he ha stood behind me as we waited in line for something (it was probably the 2.5 ReMix lol) and he asked me, "Do you love me as an individual?"

Guys, I'm so confused right now. I need some music; song recommendations would be nice.

/Taylor Swift is acceptable okay I'm having a feels jam in the horn pile and I need music/