WARNING: THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK IS MENTALLY INSANE

Fears.

Note: Nicole made a comment that I use this sort of like a diary/journal and I suppose she's right. Maybe it's because I can post it and I know people will read it, but they won't talk about it. Weird.

Let's talk about shit we're afraid of.

Okay so you guys might not know this about me, but the thought of being alone for the rest of my life terrifies me.

Sometimes I'll just start thinking about how I'm in high school and I haven't even come close to kissing a boy. Like the closest I've gotten is holding hands during the Our Father.

But I'll keep going on that track because the rational thing to think is that you'll meet someone in college, right?

Well I'm terrified that I'm going to die alone.

Another thing I'm terrified of is becoming mute.

I live on music. I listen to it all day, there's a 24/7 radio station in my mind, and it's something I love and I'm really good at.

What inspired me to write about this today is that a few minutes ago I was listening to "Dearly Departed" by Mariana's Trench and I was half asleep and thinking about how I would react if one day I woke up with no voice (because my throat hurts and it's really scratchy and fUCK I ATE A LOT OF DAIRY TODAY UGGGH ITS GETTING WORSE)

I don't think I'd be able to function without my voice.

Like not even on just a communication level. I would not be able to function without being able to sing. That's how I get rid of frustration and sadness and replace it with peace and a strange sense of poetry.

So I'm terrified of being alone and of having no voice.

Also, as a side note, remember the Java Joint, that café Chris and I loved? Where we met Robbie the Latte Guy and I centered a whole short story around it, the place I centered my whole life around for two years just because the people were friendly and the aesthetic was fantastic?

Yeah. It closed.

Robbie went to college, so I guess it just hasn't been the same since. Their latte maker broke and they didn't replace it for months which was stupid and now they're closed.

I hate to see it go.

It's like the end of an era.