In too deep -Depression and selfharm

I will never forget

I'm so broken
It has become so obvious
I'm emotionally destroyed
And there's nothing to do except watch me fall apart
Each day it gets worse
Nothing ever gets better
I'm so Alone in this world
That it's really starting to get to me
I always have to remind myself that it's my fault for people not liking me
It's all my fault
I'm ugly and fat
Theirs no one to blame but myself
It's so hard because no one knows what I have to deal with on a regular basis.
No one knows nothing about me
They know me as a
Bubbly
Outgoing
Happy girl
That's not even close to what I am
It's an act
A lie
People always tell me to "get over it "
But how could I get over something so. Cruel
I will never forget the pain I was in
I will never forget the nights
were I was in so much pain that I had to grab a razor and glide it across my skin
Just so I could get the pain I deserved
I'll never forget the nights
I shoved my fingers down my throat to make me thin .
I won't forget the days
Where I decided only a bowl of cereal was the only meal for the day
I'll never forget the day when my mum packed up her stuff and left me alone
I won't forget the nights I cried myself to sleep with no one to tell me it was going to be okay
I won't forget the 50+ cuts on my arms
Don't tell me to "get over it "
When you know nothing
Do you think I like being this sad ?
No.
I don't but this sadness is all I have
This sadness has consumed me
And it's to late to save me from it .