In too deep -Depression and selfharm

My goal

(This is just kinda me ,,,I just wrote what I felt and what I wished -I don't aspect you to understand ,,,I wrote this myself )

I think in life I have one
Goal
And one goal only
I think it is....
-that I wake up everyday happy
And ready to start the day
I go down stairs and I look at food as food
And not how many calories or star jumps I will have to to
Burn off the slice of apple,

-And to look in the mirror
To like what i see
Not to smash the mirror for showing me something I didn't want to see...
I actually like what I see

-And to trust my self in the bathroom
Because I can tell you over and over
And over again I don't trust me
I want to see a razor and think shaving legs
Not all the nights I spent crying on the floor
Clutching at my wrist to try and stop the blood.

-And to not feel that notting sensation in my stomach
When I am forced to be social,
To not think that everything could go wrong.

-And to not cry..Every .Single .Night
Because I just want to go in the bathroom and slit my wrists for the last time.

-And to not want to die at every second of every day with every word that people say to me

-I think the thing I'm most excited is to lose my friend Debbie Becuase she's a Bitch

-I look foward to the day I'm happy

-But right now it's 3Am
And I'm crying
Holding a bottle of pills
And watching the blood pour out of
My leg