Impossible love life of a fan girl

Chapter Seventy Six

(Suho's POV during chapter seventy-five)

Pagkalabas ni Baekhyun, naisipan kong buksan ang binigay niya dahil naccurious din ako kung ano yun. Actually it's better if I should just check it after our performance but there is this sudden urge inside me na parang nagsasabing kailangan kong makita na kagad.

So I opened it.

By the time you read this, I'm probably far from you now.

I have enough sense na malaman na sulat kamay yun ni Louise. I felt something inside me tightened dahil alam ko na there's something going on and something is not right. Ayokong tanggapin ang namumuong ideya sa isip ko but my body somehow started to shake. 

Hindi ko nagawang basahin lahat yun pero nung tiningnan ko yung napakaraming words na nakalagay dito I had enough sense that this is a bad news.

She's gone.

I felt my blood rushed through my veins and I quickly went out to face Baekhyun.

---

 (His current thoughts)

By the time you read this, I'm probably far from you now.

I'm sorry for what I did. 

I'm sorry for not being strong.

I'm sorry for giving up.

I'm sorry for being a weakling.

And most of all, I'm sorry for hurting you.

I know na hindi sapat ang sorry ko pero please, take time to read this.

Sana maintindihan mo na ginawa ko lang yun dahil mahal kita. Ayokong masira ang career mo dahil sakin and during the past months, nakita kong lagi ka nang napapagod and I know na half of it ay dahil sakin. Naging mahirap din sakin na gawin yung desisyon na toh dahil ayokong iwan ka. I can't even imagine myself living a life without you pero I really gathered a lot of courage para gawin yun.

I'm sorry for not telling you at kinakailangan pang si Baekhyun ang magpa-alam at magbigay sayo nito. Ang hirap kasi...natatakot akong makita nang harap-harapan na umiyak ka. Ayokong umiyak ka at sabihin sakin na wag akong umalis at makakaya pa natin. Alam ko kasi na pag sinabi ko sayo ang desisyon ko ng harap-harapan, there's a possibility na mag-iba na naman ang desisyon ko, baka nga hindi pa ko makaalis. So I'm sorry...for not giving a proper goodbye.

I know na isa yun sa pinakamahirap at masakit na bagay...na iwanan ka na walang man lang binigay na explanation. I want you to know na sobrang nasaktan din ako. I've been crying for weeks at dumating pa ko sa punto na takot na kong magpakita sayo dahil ayokong makita mo ang kondisyon ko. Naging mahirap din sakin na ngumiti sa harapan mo even though sobrang sakit na. Patawad kung hindi ko man lang nagawang panindigan yung role ko sa relationship natin.

Now, you're miles away and a wide ocean is between us...can you please do me a favor?
Suho, I want you to stay strong. Palagi pa rin kitang panonoorin kaya galingan mo. Whenever you're on stage, smile as if nothing's wrong. Smile to let every one know that you're a wonderful leader. Smile...at ipakita mo sakin na kaya mo even though I'm not beside you anymore. Ipakita mo sakin na you're strong. 

I love you, Suho. What happened between us is probably the most magical event of my life. Thank you for proving me that a fairytale can exist in the midst of reality. Lahat ng mga nangyari satin ay isang napakagandang  memory para sakin. Kung video lang yun, hinding-hindi ako magsasawang pindutin yung replay button.