Drogheda | Book 1

19. Verklempt And Abience

WARNING: Drug abuse in the following chapter.
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Verklempt: (Adj.) Overcome with emotion.

Abience: (N.) The strong urge to avoid something or someone.

____________________Three Months Later_____________________

Emma's POV

Killian has been really distant these past few months. He disappears at random times, and hardly talks to me. His health hasn't been the best which is really starting to worry me. It feels like were roommates again. He doesn't kiss me anymore and doesn't touch me. He started drinking. He thinks I don't know, but I can smell it in his breath. He's constantly hungover and he yells at me for no reason, because of the alcohol. Whenever I feel alone I take, the book he got me for Christmas, and write in it which seems to be a lot lately.

I try to keep my cool with him, but it's getting near my breaking point.

Killian stumbles into the dorm after hours of being gone. "Where were you?" I ask, standing up from my place on the couch.

"Nowhere." He walks to the kitchen.

"Where were you?" I ask sternly.

"It's none of your business." He walks past me, hitting my shoulder.

"What is wrong with you?" I grab his wrist. "What happened to you?"

"Do you want to know the truth?" He yells. "No matter how awful?" He turns around.

"Yes!" I scream. He hesitates.

"I can't." He whispers.

"Why? Why, Killian? Why can't you just be honest with me for once!?" I yell in tears. "You disappear at random times, and I hardly see you. Are you cheating on me?" I whimper.

"What the hell, Emma! Why on earth would I cheat on you?" He turns around.

"Oh, I don't know. Probably because you're gone all the time, and I never see you. Your drunk off your ass all the time. You won't talk to me or let me help you. So excuse me for thinking that the only good thing in my life isn't really mine." I cry.

"I'm not cheating on you, Swan!" He yells.

"Then why? Why are you hiding from me?"

"Enough, Emma." He says frustrated.

"Why can't you just tell me? What are you so afraid of!?" I scream.

"I said, enough!" He grabs me and tosses me, causing me to hit my head on the glass table.

"Ahh!" I shriek and hold my hand to my head. I pull my hand away. It's covered in blood. I look up at Killian. He looks at me with complete terror in his eyes. He looks down to his hands as tears escape his eyes. He runs to the bathroom and closes the door.

I sit up and wipe away the blood.

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I sit on our bed and cuddle next to his pillow. Tears flow out of my eyes; soaking his pillow. I silently cry. Hours go by, but Killian doesn't come out. I go to the door and open it quietly. I see him in the corner with his knees against his chest; his fists clenching his hair, looking as if he's about to pull it out.

He looks up at me with bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. He looks down and scrunches up his nose as he cries. I see something on the floor by my feet. I pick it up. It's a tiny bag filled with white powder.

Then it hits me.

Drugs.

"Oh, Killian." I hold my hand to my mouth. I look over at him. He shakes his head in his hands, as he grips his hair. "How long?" I ask, crying.

"Two months." He doesn't dare look at me... "I'm so, so sorry, Emma." He cries. "I tried to fight it. I tried. But I'm not strong enough." I walk over to him and bend down in front of him. I wrap my arms around him. He sits there shocked but soon hugs back. I melt into him; just holding him seems to calm him. He cries into my shoulder as I hold his head. "I'm so sorry." He grips my shirt. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry I let you down. I'm so sorr-"

"Shh." I say softly. "It wasn't your fault." We sit on the floor of our bathroom for hours, just holding each other, Comforting one another.

He pulls away from my shoulder and looks into my eyes that are filled with love. I haven't seen those eyes in such a long time. I cup his face and slowly bring his lips towards mine. This is the first kiss that has actually felt genuine in such a long time. We both melt into the kiss. I pull back and gently kiss the tip of his nose. He smiles as a single tear falls down his cheek. I wipe it away and brush his hair out of his eyes. "It's okay," I whisper. "You can cry, Killian." I say gently. As soon as I say that he breaks down.

'I've never seen him cry before. It's strange. He's normally tough and never shows such emotions.'

He puts his head in his hands, gripping his hair. He pounds his fist on the floor, leaving a mark of blood. I take his hand and hold it to my heart. He looks up at me. I give him a soft smile, even though the last thing I feel like doing is smiling. "Can I hold you?" He asks, almost begging. I move over to him and sit sideways between his legs. He puts his arms around me, holding me impossibly close. I wrap my arms around his torso and lay my head on his shoulder.

"I'm going to help you get through this." I break the silence that lingers with darkness. Touching everything will a haunting Song. "No matter what it takes."

"I need you too take them, Swan." I pull away from his chest, but still sitting between his legs

"What do you mean?" I tilt my head in confusion.

"The drugs. I need you to take them far away."

"Killian-"

"Please, Swan. I can't fight this. I'm weak." He looks at me with eyes that plead for redemption.

"You are not weak, Killian. You are the strongest man I know, and the most caring." I put my hand to his cheek. "Here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to take the drugs and hide them. If you ask for them three times then I'll give them back." He starts shaking his head and gripping at his hair.

"No, no, no, no, no." He says over and over. "I can already feel the withdrawals, I can't fight it, Emma. Please, for your protection, leave, get away from me. I can't control myself. Please, I don't want to hurt you." He cries.

"I have faith in you." I don't move.

"Please, Swan." He begs.

"No, you can't fight it alone, and that's why I'm here." I stand up. "I'm not going anywhere. So don't even try." I cross my arms over my chest. He stands up. He shakes uncontrollably. I wrap my arms around him, trying to help him calm down. "It's okay," whisper to him. "We'll get through this... I promise." I kiss his head and continue to hug him.

"How am I going to tell my family?" He cries. "They had so much faith in me, and I let them down. I let you down." I pull back and cup his cheeks.

"Killian, you didn't let us down. You have problems, we all have weaknesses, it's just something we have to live with. Its what makes us human. I've fallen before, Killian, and you picked me right back up, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. I will help you get through this, no matter how long it takes. I knew that you had a past addiction, and I might not had been prepared for this, but I'm here for you and I will help you in anyway I can. You are strong, the strongest person I have ever met, and you're going to get through this." I kiss him. He puts his arms around my waist drawing me closer. " I love you." I pull back at what I just said. He stops and looks at me.

"You- you love me?" He asks in utter shock.

"Yeah," I look into his eyes. "I do. I love you." He smiles, and kisses me hard.

"I love you too."