The Girl With Wings

Going slightly insane.

Joanie's PoV 

I run through the motions of moving my wings and getting them to lift me up. I was wearing my black yoga pants and black t-shirt. I turned on the radio hoping for a song to distract me. Ironically, Back in Black came on by AC/DC . I turned up the music and to work out. 

*Later that night* 

I stepped on to the treadmill, giving up trying to fly at that current moment. My wings hurt too much.  "Hey my angel. How you holding up?" Sam asks, genuinely concerned about my condition. I love him, I really do. But since I woke up from that coma a couple of weeks ago. He seems to hover, watching my every move since I left the hospital. I have almost lost my temper on him several times. 

Sam holds out a platter full of food. He looks at me expectantly. He made me all my favorite dinner items, again. "Thank you Sam, but no thank you. If I ate that now I would probably throw up." He instantly goes into hover and safety mode. "Why?! Are you sick? Do you want me to-" "NO!" I yell. I start to feel guilty, he is just trying to help."N-no Sam, I'm fine. I just got done with a intense workout." I look at him when I start to walk out the door. He looked so tired. 

His eyes were dull and red, they had bags under them. I felt bad for him. I would wake up from nightmares every night. Finally Sam took me to the doctor, they prescribed sleeping pills to me. Sam made sure I took them every night, I did. He always ask me if I had a good sleep, I usually lie and say it was great. I think he knows I'm lying. I don't blame him for believing me. I would do anything to convince myself too.

"Okay well if you need me just holler." I smiled weakly, My head pounding. I walked to the shower and turned it on. The warm water slipped down my sweaty skin. I massaged the shampoo through my long black hair. As I rinsed my hair the water and shampoo fell down my face, and into my eyes, Temporarily blinding me. 

In my temporary blindness, I tripped over the fallen conditioner bottle, creating a big noise alerting Sam of my clumsiness. And sure enough, there he was. 

"Joanie!? Are you ok- Oh! I- uh I-I'll wait outside." Sam said blushing brightly at me as he turned his head away. "I'm ok Sam, I just fell. I'm fine, I'll be out in a sec." I say as I reach for my towel an turn off the shower.  My face was extremely red as I walked out of the bathroom into my bedroom. 

"I hate seeing you like this." I whipped around to see my mother in the doorway. "Mom." She walked over  me. "Joanie, your absolutely amazing, Why do you keep doing this to yourself. Noah isn't going to get hurt by Shield if you don't bring him into it." I saw my sixteen year self walk to my mom. "I'm about to go on my first mission mom, To a Hydra base, for a month. How am I supposed to say 'Hey I'm actually a secret spy that could kill in ten different ways and I'm about to go on a top secret mission I could  possibly never come home from' in a conversation." I say as my mom face hardens. "This is your duty, This is what we do and do it well now you will go and pack." My mom walks away and My sixteen year old self disappears. I broke down crying.  

Instantly Sam was at my side. Holding me as I cried into his arms. He was always there but I'm not. I'm the one who leaves and gets snappy and starts the fights, I don't deserve him. Never did.                         

Never will, because once again Shield has ruined my life.