My Mythical Best and My Mythical Worst

This Is My Fault

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     I was lying in bed because I had nothing better to do on a Monday night after work. Everyone was able to tell when Jaden and I broke up. Rhett was pretty worried about me. The guys from work all went out tonight except for me. I wasn't up for it. Besided it was just another attempt for them to try and get me out of my emotional slump. Even Jaden knew I was really upset about it no matter how much I tried to hide it from her. 

     I told myself constantly to stop thinking about Jaden and her beautiful smile and gorgeous eyes, but I was always thinking about her. There was no stopping it anymore. I started crying and I rolled over into my pillow. 

     Ring! Ring! Ring! My phone went off on the bedside table and Jaden's face flashed on the screen. A glimmer of hope flashed inside of me. I wiped my tears away and picked it up. "Hello?" I said hopefully. There was a loud thud ! and nothing else. Even though I wasn't her boyfriend my protective boyfriend instincts clicked in and I sensed that something wasn't right. 

     I pushed myself out of bed with haste and pulled a shirt over my head as I ran down the steps. I ran out the door without shoes on and by the dumpster where I met her and straight to her door. I knocked once and then after she didn't answer I opened the door. She was slumped over by the counter against the wall with a towel wrapped around her wrist that had what I'm assuming blood soaking through it. 

     My mind was racing with thoughts. My heart was pumping so fast and loud, I thought she could probably hear it and would wake up any second from the noise. My head was screaming. I didn't know what to do. I ran over to her and knelt down. First  removed the towel from her arm. Underneath it were fresh cuts lining her arm. There were probably twenty or thirty. Why would she do this? 

     This wasn't like Jaden to hurt herself or anyone for that matter. She was sweet and happy and now she was sad and depressed and suicidal. This had to be my fault I thought to myself as I picked up her phone and hung it up. I left my phone on my bed and forgot to hang up. The phone backed out of her phonebook and back to her homepage which was a picture of me. I was looking at the camera all goofy. I thought back to the day I took that picture. I stole her phone because she left it on my desk. I let a few more tears escape my eyes as I dialed 911. 

     I knew she would hate me later for this but I didn't know what else to do. I can't believe this is happening. Why did I ever break up with her in the first place? All she ever did was love me. "Hello, 911. What is your emergency?" The 911 operator said. I didn't really know what to say so I tumbled out "I need an ambulance at 221 Baker st. Please hurry!" And I hung up. The hospital wasn't too far away so I assumed they would be here in about five minutes. 

     At this point, I had tears streaming down my face and I felt so bad. I knew this was my fault and there is nothing I could do to fix it. If she dies I would live in guilt forever. The thought would hang over my head forever. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. 

     I put her phone in my pocket and applied pressure to the cloth on her wrist. There was a knock on the door and I yelled "come in!" There was a paramedic who looked at me then Jaden. "Please help" I sounded like a lost kid. I started crying more. "What's wrong with her?" he asked and kneeled down by her. I held up her wrist. "Was she suicidal?" I nodded. He nodded. "We need to get her to the hospital. What's her name?" He asked in a panicked but soothing calm voice. Two more paramedics came through the door and he said to them "get a stretcher. She needs to go to the hospital." 

     "Jaden Carter." I said trying to remain as calm as possible even though I was breaking down. "Sir? Is she going to die?" I asked. 

     He shrugged and said "We need to get her to the hospital to check her vitals and see if we can help. We probably can. How old is she?" 

     "Thirty-two." I said, as the other paramedics came in with a stretcher and pushed me out of the way. It just made me panic and cry more. They got her on the stretcher and into the back of the ambulance and the paramedic who seemed to be in charge looked at me and said, "well, are you coming?" And he crawled into the back followed by me.