Save You Tonight

13.

~June 28, 2016~

It's been a couple weeks since Kaleb gave me those bruises on my arms. In those two weeks I have been yelled at, been called stupid, been slapped again across the face and slammed up against the wall.  I'm not sure exactly what I did, I'm sure it was something though. Work for Kaleb has been extra stressful lately and the littlest things were setting him off, making me a lot more nervous to be around him.

Kaleb was leaving again this weekend and I didn't even have Gemma to stay with since her and Harry were heading to London for the weekend. They were going out with one of Harry's friends, to some club. Harry invited me, knowing Kaleb was going to be gone, but I declined. For one, Kaleb was going to be in London and if I happened to run into him, who knows how he would react and second, I think being seen around Harry in a club setting wasn't such a good idea. Especially with the way things have been lately. 

Over the last two weeks Harry has been finding every chance he can to come and talk with me.  We spent afternoons reading to his grandmother, making lunch together, eating together even. Harry was very curious about my childhood, wanting to know what I've done and what I haven't done, which was pretty much everything, expect going to the aquarium thanks to him. He always listened so intently and I admired that about him, how he had the ability to make someone feel important.  To make me feel important.  I got to know more about him and the other guys in One Direction and more about what it is like being on tour. It was nice getting to know that side of him, the fun, energetic Harry that runs around on stage making ridiculous jokes. Yes, I may have looked up some videos on YouTube, so sue me. 

There was such a huge contrast to the Harry I see and the one I saw running around on stage. Yeah, the Harry I know cracks jokes and gets a little carried away sometimes, but he's still always so serious and concerned about everyone. I guess that's what is similar, to the Harry I see and the one that's on stage, the way he makes sure everyone is happy and having a good time. I can tell he puts a lot of effort into his performances, making sure it's one everyone will remember.   I guess I forget he's only twenty two, always thinking he's older from the way he carries himself.  Caroline was right, he did have to grow up fast and learn to deal with a lot more than a twenty two year old should.

Gemma has been extremely busy lately, getting things for her new blog set up and moving stuff into the guesthouse. We have given up going to the art class, realizing that no matter how hard we try, we will never be able master the techniques the instructor was trying to teach us. She has been begging and begging me to go with her and Harry to London, telling me I need to see the wonderful city. I could tell how disappointed she was when I told her another time. I just couldn't risk going and seeing Kaleb, not when things have been so bumpy lately. 

I think Gemma could tell that something had changed between Harry and I. She always saw us together, always saw me smiling when ever he was around.  I don't think it bothered her, if anything I would say she was happy we had become close friends. 

Friends. That's what I was labeling Harry and I.  Just friends.  We couldn't be more than that, not only because I was with Kaleb, but because of how nervous he still made me.  Yeah I was more comfortable around him than I was when I first met him, he's done nothing to make me feel otherwise, but I was still on edge about how truly genuine he was being.  And I hated to think that he wasn't being genuine because he has done nothing to prove that he hasn't been, and from everything I've seen, it only proves that his is trustworthy person, but I can't help but let my past keep me from letting myself trust him fully.  It would be the same way if it was someone else instead of Harry.

I've been driving myself insane, trying to ignore the way Harrys presence alone makes my body react.  Butterflies fill my stomach and my pulse jumps, I'm always aware of him when he's in the same room, his personality dominating the space.  His smile makes my knees weak, especially when it's directed at me.  I hate to admit, I have been longing to have him touch me, either bump my arm playfully like he's done before, or to touch my back again.  He hasn't touched me since the day I flinched because he touched the bruises on my arm. He's been more cautious around me, making his presence known so I wouldn't jump when he suddenly appeared next to me. I was glad he was considering my feelings but it saddened me to know that he had noticed how jumpy I have been.