Save You Tonight

33.

~July 28, 2016~

Maci's POV

As I lay in bed, watching the clouds darken outside, my mind drifts back to my conversation with Harry last night. Seeing how torn up he was and how much this decision weighed on him made me feel horrible. I thought I was going to lose it when his voice broke and I thought he was going to cry. I wouldn't be able to handle it if cried. Just hearing about everything that has been bothering him made me want to hold him tight and hide him away. It was such a huge decision for someone so young to make. It was to much pressure for any one person to handle and it killed me knowing he's been keeping it all locked inside him for who knows how long. I'm glad he opened up and talked to me about it though.

That promise we made, the one that felt a lot bigger than just a promise to be there if he ever needs to talk, made me want to cry and let out a sigh of relief. It made me want to cry because I was terrified. Terrified that I was jumping into this too soon and too fast. That I was doing the same thing that I did with Kaleb, putting everything I had into him, pretty much leading to a disaster. I was scared that I was going to get hurt, emotionally. I know Harry would never hurt me, that has never crossed my mind. He actually makes me feel safe, which makes this whole promise such a relief because I know Harry is feeling the same things I am.

There's something about being with someone and knowing that they have feelings for you. It was so foreign to me, theses reciprocated feelings, to know that the person you like and care for deeply shares the same feelings as you. In the beginning, with Kaleb, he was sweet, acted like he really liked me, said nice things, took me to nice places, but after he realized I was hooked, a switch was flipped and he was a totally different person. He no longer said nice things to me, we never went anywhere unless it was work related or to put up a front for his family. He acted like I was just there to fulfill his needs and be his punching bag. I almost felt like a maid sometimes, only there to do Kalebs cooking and cleaning, making sure he had a stocked fridge and liquor cabinet. I can't believe that I let myself become just a shell of who I was before I met Kaleb. That I let him destroy me and change who I was. Thinking back on it now Im disgusted with myself. I feel dirty and pathetic, hating myself for letting a man degrade me and treat me like shit like Kaleb did. I knew I was stronger than that and I still let him do it. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them, to blindeed by what I thought was love.

A light knock at my door jumped me, bringing me out of my thoughts. I wipe away the few tears that fell before sitting up and tell whoever it was behind the door to come in. For some reason I was in a weird, depressed mood today, mostly because of my dreams last night and the way my thoughts ran this morning. I don't feel like doing much and I hope whoever is behind that door doesn't ask me to do much either.

"Hey," Harry says, opening the door and poking his head inside my room. "Gemma said you were still sleeping. She just left to run some errands."

"Hey. I've been up for a little while, just haven't managed to get out of bed yet," I laugh, motioning for Harry to come on. He walks in, shutting my door behind him. He takes a tentative step forward, looking around my room curiously. Come to think of it, this is the first time Harry has been in my room when it wasn't too dark to see anything. The room wasn't too much. Two of the four walls were a dark lavender, each with two white stripes running along the middle of the wall. The other two walls were white, two dark lavender lines running through the middle. When you walked in my bed was directly in front of you against the back wall. To the right was large window that looked out towards the pool. On the other side of my bed was my white vanity. Beside the vanity was the door to my walk in closet that also led to the connecting bathroom. Gemma had picked out a modern looking chandelier and at first I wasn't to sure about it, but I was grown on me. It's pretty with the large silver disks hanging down. I did add my own touch to the room by hanging a multiple canvas painting of pink lilies.