Happy Hope (Book Two)

Chapter 6:

I looked up at Louis and felt my heart hammering in my head. I couldn’t do this anymore. I felt like I was going to explode. I’m a mother, I have two kids. I couldn’t date and that’s a fact I had accepted a long time ago.

I couldn’t allow Louis to take on the burden of being a father figure. It wasn’t his responsibility to wipe my tears when I was down. It wasn’t anyone’s. I wiped away the streaming tears and took a step back. It was time to grow a spine.

            “I’m sorry Louis, this isn’t going to work,” I mumbled and I could see the hurt travelling over his face.

            “What? Why not?” he asked hurt.

            “Because, my life is a mess and I’m obviously not over a few issues and I can’t expect you to wait or pull me back together. I need to do it on my own. You don’t want kids – well maybe you do but I’m sure you want your own kids like Zayn and I’m not ready to do that. I can’t give you what you want and maybe you can’t give me what I want. You’re in an international pop band. That includes travelling and I can’t travel whenever it suits. I have responsibilities,” I reasoned brushing a hand through my hair.

            “Are you quite finished yet?” Louis asked and I nodded slightly. Next minute his lips were on mine in a desperate kiss. I didn’t think twice about reciprocating the kiss and fisted my hand in his hair. My stomach had a great big butterfly in it, which beat it’s wings against my heart urging it to go faster. He pulled back, “I don’t mind the fact that you have kids and I don’t want my own kids yet. Travelling isn’t an issue for now. Zayn and Perrie just had a kid our tour isn’t until the middle of the year,” he assured me.

I considered his opinion. There was still so many things that could go wrong and maybe that’s why I thought I should do it. Didn’t they say it’s better to have loved than to not have loved at all?

            “And what if I get hurt?” I asked in a barely audible whisper.

            “That’s not going to happen because Perrie will kick my ass – she’s really taken a liking to you,” he said trying to lighten the mood before going serious again. “You’re not going to get hurt because I don’t want you to get hurt. Now lets go back inside and finish dinner,” he said looking me in the eye, his hands on my arms. “I like you a lot, maybe more than I should considering it’s only the second date.”

            “I like you a lot too,” I mumbled.

            “So what’s the problem?” he asked and when he put it that way even I couldn’t pick out what the problems I had just seconds ago were. They slipped out of my mind like water going down a drain.

            “You’re right, I was getting way to ahead of myself. It’s only the second date. Let’s go have dinner,” I announced. “Are you seriously scared of Perrie?” I asked out of nowhere and he laughed.

            “No but she’d set Jade on me and she’s quite feisty. Kneed a guy in the balls once when he wouldn’t leave her alone at a club,” he told me taking my hand as we walked back in. I laughed, “who was it?”

            “Harry,” he replied and I laughed even harder. “I think I’m going to like her.” After I moment I sighed. “Sorry about before, I always become an emotional train wreck when I talk about him.”

            “It’s okay, love. I understand,” he smiled. “Everyone has a past and some are better at dealing with it than others.”