Happy Hope (Book Two)

Chapter 26:

Amelia as I predicted freaked out about the dog screaming excitedly “WE GOT A PUPPY!” I corrected her and said, “I got a puppy.” Life was pretty much back to normal. The kids missed Louis and asked for him on a daily basis, I missed Louis but I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone. There were days when I almost did but then I thought of Jake and then Anna and I stopped myself. I just couldn’t forgive him yet.

The flowers started to die and I thought in a way it symbolised our relationship. It was bright and colourful and happy at the beginning but at the end it was brown and withered.

I was reading at the kitchen table as Amelia read a newspaper wearing big, black framed, reading glasses because she’d lost her contacts. She eyed me over the top of the paper, I felt her gaze burn into the top of my head.

            “Louis’s leaving the UK next week. They’re going to Paris,” she stated looking at her paper and pretending to read.

Without looking up I answered, “I know.”

            “There’s still time to change your mind…” Amelia trailed off.

            “I can’t.”

            “Why not?”

            “Because of what he did,” I said tensing my grip on the book a little too much. ‘Sorry book’ I said to it telepathically.

            “It was an accident,” Amelia pointed out.

            “I don’t have a husband or a, or a,” I couldn’t bring myself to say it so I opted for her name instead, “And Anna because of him.”

            “He didn’t mean to and I’m a hundred percent sure that if Louis had three wishes – even one – he would use it to take back that accident even if it meant losing you.”

            “How would you know?” I scoffed.

            “Because he called me to see if you’d changed your mind at all,” Amelia said finally putting the newspaper down and folding her arms on the table, looking intently at me. I looked at the words on my book.

            “He,” I coughed, “Called you?”

            “He sounded miserable.”

Silence.

            “Still doesn’t change anything.”

            “At some point you have to let go of Jake and you have to let go of Anna,” Amelia told me.

            “I have let go,” I said. “I just wish I didn’t need to let go of them in the first place. You don’t know what it’s like, losing some of the most important people in your life,” I coughed trying to get rid of the sound of my voice breaking, “It, it – I’ll never be the same again.”

            “Louis made you the same again.”

            “But he was the reason I changed in the first place.”

I got up and left the table I couldn’t handle the conversation anymore. I grabbed my keys.

            “Where are you going?” Amelia sighed exasperatedly.

            “To the cemetery,” I snarled back.

            “Can I come mummy?” Sophie asked.

I sat on the grass in front of Anna’s grave for the first time in a long time. I always averted my eyes from her grave when I came here. I only focused on Jake. It made it easier somehow.