Distant Star | Kaylor

Chapter 16

The next week goes by in a haze. Taylor didn't completely comprehend what was happening, she probably hadn't even fully accepted the fact Harry was truly dead. She'd hoped it wasn't true, but she needed to face reality when the police told her the unfortunate truth.

The morning after the accident, Tree had picked Taylor up from the crappy hotel she'd been staying at, the hotel that was meant to be the first of many stops along their journey. Taylor basically resembled a statue, for she hadn't moved from her position once. Tree had hugged her, talked to her, but nothing helped considering Taylor didn't respond. In the end, she simply took the singer's hand and led her to the car that was waiting at the backdoor.

The funeral was planned four days after the accident in Harry's hometown, the town of Holmes Chapel in Cheshire. Taylor hadn't been allowed to see Harry's body, because it was damaged beyond recognition. It's not like she wanted to though, it would only hurt to see Harry's dead body. Harry's mother and sister had let her stay at their house, but Taylor wished they hadn't. Everything reminded her of Harry. The pictures, his old room and even his family, it was all too much.

She had daydreamed her way through the ceremony, vacant eyes staring at the picture that was set upon the coffin. She had opted not to give a speech. If she could barely form a sentence outside of the ceremony she for sure couldn't talk in front of an audience. She hated the sympathetic looks that were thrown her way, the forced conversations with anyone who gave her their condolences. Taylor wanted to disappear. She didn't want to be around people, she wanted to be alone.

Her plane was set to leave the day after. She didn't want to spend any more time than she had to in Harry's home town, she'd rather go home. Just before she left, Anne had stopped her because she wanted to say something. Something that would be engraved into Taylor's mind forever.

"Taylor," Anne's worried voice had said, "Harry loved you, he loved you to the moon and back. He wouldn't want you to be sad about his death, he'd want you to live. I believe, and I know he would too, that you can survive this. I know it hurts now honey, but you'll be okay. Try to remember the good things and eventually you'll be back to your old self. Don't let the memory of Harry hold you back, let his memory make you stronger. In time you'll meet someone with whom you'll want a relationship and I know Harry would want you to move on. All he wanted was for you to be happy. Keep this in the back of your mind and promise to keep in touch, okay?" Taylor hadn't known how to respond with words, so she let her actions speak for her. She had embraced Anne in a hug and squeezed her tight, thanking her in a way words couldn't.

When she arrived at her home, the first thing Taylor had done was lock herself in one of the guestrooms. She didn't want to be in her bedroom since it had been Harry's as well, there were too many memories. She slumped against the wall with her head in her hands. Tree had knocked on her door for what seemed like hours, hoping Taylor would unlock the door, but she didn't. She'd been feeling suffocated by all of the people that had surrounded her at all times. This was her first time being truly alone, something she'd yearned for ever since Tree had picked her up. 

The knocks grew silent and after a while they stopped, as did the pleas for her to come out. When Taylor was sure Tree had left, the first sob was released from her throat. The first was followed by countless others. Reality was finally catching up and it caused Taylor to release all of the grief she'd kept hidden.

The main question that plagues Taylor's mind is why? Why Harry? He hadn't done anything wrong, he was the perfect guy. He didn't deserve to die. And why her? Hadn't she lost enough people in their life? She'd lost her brother, her mother and her father, wasn't that enough? Why did the one guy who had always been there for her, the guy that became her everything, have to die?