Nothing But Rude | BTS Jimin

21. Planned out

JIMIN'S POV

My ceiling became a key interest all night. We left the hospital around 5 today, and it was around 12 now. Jikyo hadn't been back in 7 hours.

"Hyung, come out and eat dinner." Taehyung had been persistent the entire night, trying to make me leave my bed. He actually tried.

As for the other boys, they all loved Jikyo to death. They all probably hated me for treating her the way I did. No one even wanted me to come out of my room. V probably didn't either, but tried to make me be social so I wouldn't do something stupid. But he had no idea.

"It's probably burnt. Jin isn't back, and none of us can cook other than him and Jikyo."

"It isn't that bad. Suga made ramen." V continued on. I shook my head.

"Leave me alone, Taehyung." I rolled over, my back to him now. He sat on the bed behind me.

"I know this entire day has been shit. I won't apologize for Jungkook punching you in the face, because you definitely deserved it, but sitting in here and being antisocial won't change what happened."

I sighed, mumbling. "I don't want it to change. I just want to take it all back."

"You can't, Hyung." He placed his hand on my shoulder. "All you can do is wait until she gets back, and maybe by then we'll all be calm enough to hear what happened."

"That's what makes me most upset." I shot up, sitting straight, facing him. "No one even knows what happened. Would you take a minute and hear out what happened with Krystal and I?"

He nodded, going over to my door and shutting it. He sat on the end of my bed, his legs crossed. "Tell me what went down, since you apparently have a valid excuse for cheating."

"No, I know there is never an excuse to cheat, but the way it happened makes it seem like it was all for some soulless reason." I shook my head.

V urged me to explain.

"Krystal showed up while I was in the apartment alone. She was already about to cry, so I didn't make her leave. So she led me to the room, and started going on about how she missed me, and believe me, I didn't miss her, but she was guilt-tripping me into being nice. Part of it was also because Jikyo was changing me. But Krystal kept saying she wanted to be together, and I told her I was with Jikyo, and she asked me to kiss her. Of course, I didn't. But instead, she came and kissed me, and I just didn't want to hurt her feelings for some reason. So instead of pushing her off, I just pretended she was Jikyo, and that I was kissing Jikyo, and for a moment, I forgot what was happening. But then Jikyo walked into the room and saw, and she yelled, and later cursed Krystal out, and then ran to the other apartment, and you basically know the rest."

V was astounded by the whole thing, it seemed. He blinked, then asked, "Why did you yell all that rude stuff at her during the fight?"

I looked to my blanket, feeling a tear threatening to fall, "I was rude because I was afraid. I've been afraid since 10th grade."

"Afraid of what?" He questioned.

I again sighed, the tear now falling, "Afraid to be in love with a girl who had a heart condition. I didn't want to be that guy from all the girly books who falls in love with a girl who's gonna die. I was so scared to get close, and then lose her. I didn't care that she had the heart condition, but I was afraid of her heart condition. Afraid that when she was gone, I'd still be here, left without her."

V was now wide-eyed, shocked in some way. "You loved her that entire time while you tortured her? Why?"

"I don't know, I think I was just trying to convince myself I didn't love her. It was like bullying her would get rid of the feelings. But once she left, I felt terrible. I missed seeing her face in homeroom and seeing her get called out all the time. But I thought it was a good thing. I didn't have to worry. And then she randomly popped up here 2 years later."