The Lifeguard

Chapter 9.5: Breaking the forth wall

Hello again reader. What did you think this wouldn't happen again? By now you must understand that I am nuts. Or am I? That is the question.  I am sitting in the white room. Time has stopped and I am staring at your big head. You see this may be happening out of time and space but this night at Angelsea, house of Khepri awakened me.

 I understand that you are reading this book which is a presentation of my life. I am actually talking to you from the void. You will have to wait a few more chapters to understand this. It all gets explained in due time.  I may be insane but I still know you are reading.

 I mean I can see you very clearly. This is about the middle of the story give or take. Page 97 to be exact. So what's the point of all of this? Well not much I just wanted to say hi. Talk to you directly again. You see by talking to you I feel a bit better. It gets everything off my chest. I just really wanted to help people.

That's what this trip made me realize. You see I want to cut out the rest of the trip. I don't want to make you have you read through what happens next. Talking shit and then generalizing them as a bunch of junkies. Yes what we did was bad. illicit substances do destroy lives. 

However I wouldn't be here talking to you with a strong mentality if it wasn't for this trip here in Angelsea. Maybe it was something to do with the house? There may have been something spiritual about the white room. Khepri was the God of rebirth represented by the scarab in the Egyptian days of old. Maybe I am just mad and still in some simulation from the dream I had where I was in some asylum for the mentally unstable. 

Scientists have just released that what we see on earth is all just one big hologram. A projection. . I am thinking too much again aren't I? Yes I am and I got to stop that. I am working on it. But at least I am aware of my problems. Are you? Seriously stop here and think about it. We all have ours. Flaws or traits that seriously piss people off. It could be as simple as saying "Morning" in a high pitch tone, or saying "Great" all the time. 

Anyway enough about this nonsense talk. I want you my dear reader to understand that this day marked a significant change in me. I understood my purpose in life. I wanted to achieve it. 

 It was as if I had been insane my whole life and now at this point in time I am sane. While I was in the white room. While the water that Tony Cars gave me kicked in. I had achieved a state of mind that changed my whole outlook on life. I had previously blacked out my sickness. 

 My father's death was another thing I blacked out. So I guess this event was good for something. I confronted my fears and was now able to live with them. I don't want to glorify ecstasy and shrooms. I mean it is completely dangerous and if ever taken, should be thoroughly researched before consumption and taken in a positive environment.

Even the strongest of minds can be crushed and destroyed by these substances. You see I did in fact bad trip towards the end. I wanted to even play with a knife at one point. That was when I went to bed. Don't prolong a trip, Gaz' wise words. I didn't want to recount the events of bad tripping. It's not fun to recount and also contradicts previous character development.

Let's just say that sometimes when you fight back against the bad tripping. Your brain acts as a powerhouse of emotions. When you win against the negativity that brings you down. You in turn become a stronger/smarter individual.

It works for people that go through grief and loss and come out of it. Their brains understand what bad is and are able to adjust to life a lot better than others. Something clicked inside my brain and for a second I understood the meaning of life. If only for a second. 

You see my dear reader, I recently had a conversation with a relative of the meaning of life. He told me life could be just a simulation. We are nothing but numbers after all. Just data aimlessly floating around as some superior beings experiment.

 It could also be argued that the superior being may in fact be in a simulation as well. And that's it for that conversation. I didn't stop the chapter to talk about the meaning of life. I hate that funny feeling you get when you think of life, is it real or fake? 

Or even when you talk about death. Nothingness comes after death? Or does something come from nothing? Blah blah blah. I talk too much don't I? It's true and it's gotten me into all kinds of trouble. Sometimes I talk for the sake of talking. You see sometimes we do things that piss people off and we are just unaware of it.

Anyway I am going way off topic.  That night was really crazy. Everyone had a great time and bonded because of it. Angelsea gave us all a night many would never forget. The next day was the worst day of my life.

 No one told me of the come down. It's horrendous and saps you of all your energy. Feeling groggy and weak the whole day. Depression kicks in and you start to feel hopeless. Ever heard of equal exchange. Look it up. You can't experience total bliss without some kind of trade off. Your body just cannot handle the pressure.

In fact your body is not ever meant to be in that state naturally. Angelsea was a complete success. It showed me a side of life I never saw before. And I finally confronted my fears. You could even say this would be a great way to end the book. 

Lots of plot points resolved and you my dear reader can come up with an ending for the characters. I'll give you that option to stop reading and make up an ending if you wish. No. ok then. 

After all, it was a happy ending so far.