The Twilight Saga: LEAH - english version (fan fiction) by uffachefatica

Eclipse (epilogue) stupid girl

Eclipse (epilogue)

Stupid girl

It's been three days of the battle with the army of bloodsuckers. Three days when I left home in shame. Three days without hearing my brother say at me a just -bitch-. He not me addressed more the word. He is very angry with me for what happened to Jacob. Jake is still in recovering. He was seriously injured and is my fault. It's always my fault. Stupid girl. Sometimes I wonder why I was born, now more than before. I know just run. Even my brother is been more good boy than me. Although smaller, it is stronger.

I had to understand immediately that it was a bad idea, that I would have had the worst. But no!! I kept telling myself that they would accepted me so that finally I would have had a little 'respect. Respect. I want it so much, but in the end are I the first not to give the respect especially at Embry. Now they detest me even more. Already Billy with his gaze made me realize that my life from now on would been much worse. He hates me, perhaps to death for what I did to his son. And Emily and my mother with their gazes of pity or shame. Sam instead he does not deigned to look me. Always with his head down. He not had the nerve to look at me I do not know whether for to pity or shame to have the pack's someone like me.

Maybe he will stave off me out on the orders of the elderly. I have to meet them. They want to talk me. I'm afraid, I'm afraid of a group of old. They lay down the law to La Push. If someone comes have banned, no longer has any right in there. Just as it happened to Sam's father. Even if he wanted to go back you not can more to do.

I sigh and put myself at the window. I see Seth that runs. I know exactly where it is going. At house of Jacob. He knows that over at Jake he will find also Bella. I can not stand that girl now more than ever. After the act that has done she has even more the support of the wolf pack and of the council of the elders . My mother the admires much. The way he talks about she. And it is also very proud of Emily. He beamed when he learned that she had the task of transcribing legends. I do not recall that she be ever been so proud of me and frankly I did not do anything of sensational in my life because she could be. I not can blame her though, Emily is sweet and wonderful and the daughter of Inspector Swan, has saved the lives of Seth. She risked the her for that of my brother and of the her vampir boyfriend. I would must be grateful for that. I'm very fond of my brother, the more you what he thinks. More than you think all. I should be grateful a she, to thank she, but instead I feel much anger and frustration. I tried to do everything to make me accept, talked like them, I acted in the same way true to what they said the elderly to Sam: 'same treatment as other members of the pack'. Me are just made ridiculous at the their eyes. Stupid girl.

And Sam! He tried, but could not until the end. Perhaps because he was hard to have me near or maybe he's right Jacob: 'despite everything still seems hold at you'. Or it's just guilt trip. He can not look me in the eye for long. He feel guilty. And this bothers you at the guys, because in addition to making him feel bad, I do hurt at Emily. They do not realize, however, that due of the imprinting, they stay much better than me. Suffice that look to stay better immediately. They eventually is went luxury at they.

"Leah, I brought you a sandwich".

My mother. It changed slightly towards me on the advice of Bill. They told her to be more severe. And she tries to be so.

"I'm not hungry, thank you"

"Leah, enough with these vagaries".

The tone of his voice is firm, but not for long.

"Please Leah".

Now is more sweet, but I repeat simply with my usual cold and detached tone that I'm not hungry.

I hear her cry. I do not want to hurt her, but in the end and what I do... always. I approached the door and whisper only one word: "Sorry". I do not say more anything I hear only the sound of the have put of the saucer on the floor and a light touch to the door as if she had touched with his palm the timber . I open the door only when she itself is has stave off. I do not want him to see me. I'm so ashamed for how I'm acting, for what I'm doing. I do not of it make a right. Stupid girl. Stupid and also capricious. Not even my brother is so. I not have inherited the strength of my mother and the sensitivity of my father. But not I. The beauty that none of my parents is capricious. Maybe I was adopted or Embry is not the only illegitimate in these parts. I bite my lips until they bleed for the badness that I as soon thought. I bite the sandwich as would a shapeshifter and I take refuge in my usual corner.

*****

It's been almost two weeks from the clash with the bloodsuckers. Jacob was recovered completely and I, in a few days, I have to see the council. Sam tried to give me some advice as well as my mother. Will be present too they. Should I sit at home and think of thing say, an apology to make. Instead I go out and go to the cliff. I know I'll find Jacob there. It is very sad because Bella Swan has chosen the vampire. He wants to be alone in these days and I know that will not be happy to see me. He I do not endure me more of much. For him I are just an that itself cries on. A silly girl who does not understand anything. He itself errs, I understand her pain, because it is similar at the mine. When he sees me immediately we begin to quarrel. Poor Jacob now he gladly would attack me, after all there is no one around to look, but he itself holds. I would really like to help he but I the do angrier he. When he gets angry can become also worse of me. Accused me of thinking only of myself, to be a harpy ... I was not so once, I was happy, serene, affable and other good things. Now everything has changed. I'm just a monster, or perhaps they have always been so. The legends say that the coat color of the wolf comes from his spirit, and my not must be a great that. It is gray, like fog: harsh (heartless), intangible (empty), silent (dead)...

I try to say something, but is he at reproach my behavior. Because I do to feel guilty Sam, because they have to hear my thoughts on him. He believes that it is easy for me? He think that I enjoys in the to do hurt someone? He believes that I be a witch insensitive? If he feel really what's inside me maybe he would understand something. Or not. For him are only a teenager whimsical, stupid and ridiculous that only had a little crush and nothing more. They believe it all. Of course if you compare the human love with imprinting. In retrospect it seems that they do so only with me. Jacob loves Bella in a natural way and according to him and his friends his feeling is as strong as the one that joins the alpha to my cousin. This comparison hurts me forever. But I must not give it to him to see. Is an thing too much intimate.

At the end is the last sentence that he says, that makes me run away, because in the end as well as being a bad person, are also an coward: 'It is already a problem that Emily must endure the your fixation for Sam...'

Fixation. I do not have a fixation. I love Sam and I not will ask apologize for it.

And I apologize for the confusion. I always do too much. I never thought that LEAH is a bad person like the others. And even that she is not pompous and arrogant. For me, besides being beautiful on the outside, she is beautiful inside, but the "destiny" is was too cruel to her. Not to mention all the humiliations that must suffer. The first is precisely the imprinting.

The sentence in bold is taken from the last chapter of Eclispe.