Way Wedding

The Letter, The Eyes.

Watching Gerard walk down the aisle and take his place at the head of the altar made my heart swoon, I had always assumed the next wedding I attended would be ours. Him in a blue tux and me in a white one finally telling everyone publically how much we loved each other. Letting the words from our heart flow all around us wrapping us together and presenting us with a pretty bow to all of our loved ones. My eyes started to well up the more I thought about this. Why won't he look at me? My brain pleaded for his eyes to meet mine, as if with just a glance my entire shaking world could stop. Ever since I had stepped off of the plane in California it was as if there was a constant earthquake ripping through my body making everything unbearable. The feeling of Jamia's touch made it even worse. The knowledge that I was so close to Gerard made it overfill. I needed to get my shit together and let my sense just become consumed by the smiths playing. It was nice to see that he still had the same taste in music that we had all shared. He was seriously a little Gerard, the music, movie, and overall taste in everything just further proved that he was the youngest way brother.

 "Frank, Mikey was wondering if he could talk to you." Ray asked his eyes virtually willing me out of the garden and into his house. The request taking me off guard, I patted my wife's leg and excused myself still trying to rationalize to myself why the youngest Way brother would want to talk to me. He could have had whatever marriage talk he had with his brother. I walked into the small home noticing the feminine touches no doubt left by Kristin. "Okay before you say anything, is my tie straight catholic boy?" Mikey joked with a small smirked, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead. The poor kid that I felt like was my own kid brother looked a mess, I wished I had some words of wisdom to offer him. I wished I had this happy marriage I could reference to give him some peptalk. The thought of that alone made my heart sink.  Walking toward him and redoing the entire thing, realizing that he had never learned anything from me on how to tie a tie. "Thank you, but listen to me and listen to me good. The only way I will get married Iero is if you sit your ass down and read this letter, and if you've heard anything about Kristin you will know that both of our deaths will be certain if I dont walk down that aisle in exactly 10 minutes." Mikey interrupted my frenzied thoughts tapping his watch before producing a letter from his inner suit pocket. "Sugar" was scrolled across the envelope in a messy yet familiar handwriting. I had spent half of my adult life decifering the same hand writing. I could be drugged beyone belief and still know exactly whose hand it had come from. Sucking in a bracing breath and looking toward Mikey he shot me a reassuring nod which i returned with a sullen smirk I torn open the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper. I was afraid what it would say. If it would be some passive aggressive warning to stay away from him mislabeled and delivered to me. Mikey tapped his watch again warning me to get my reading eyes on and get to reading before his white clad bride walked in here and tore my head clear off my shoulder and then deleivered Gerard on a platter beside me.

My dearest Frank,

There was a time when I believed we would marry before my kid brother. There was also a time in which I believed that I wouldnt be able to do nothing great without you. Frank, in these years we've spent apart I've learned a lot. I had to learn to live for myself solely. I had to learn to accept what I have to supplement the hole the size of your fist in my heart. However most of all I learned that there was more to my life than you. There is a tomorrow every day I go to sleep no matter how dark my mind is. I spent a long time entrusting my well being, my happiness, and my personality solely on you. This is one of the reasons we couldn't make things work. This is why we've had to spent this time apart. A time in which you've written an album that confirms what i've always known that your talent is vast just as your beauty. But the truth is my love I can do all of these things without you but I don't want to. And god dammit Frank I listen to your music and I look at the stuff you post on social media and I know that that you don't want to either. I don't know if you're happy, and I don't know if you're okay. And to me even if I never get to touch you again. If I never get to lay my lips on yours and use my lust to communicate how fucked I am when it comes to my love I just want to make sure you're okay. That you're happy. That you're not the person we both once were hating everything and everyone including the person staring back at us in the mirror. I just want you to know that my love was never flase. It was so vast that it scared me. I was afraid that it was so deep that it had the ability to swallow me. 

 After the wedding Kristen is going to invite Lynz and Jamia to help her change into her reception dress and have girl talk and whatever the fuck women do. Mikey has given me a key to the garage studio thing he has where we can meet, there's is a copy of the key in this envelope. Please even if I'm pleading for a long shot at least meet me. Tell me that you're okay, make it to where when you board that plane back to Jersey we can both finally move on.  At least let me look you in the eye one last time.

Yours always, forever, and tomorrow

Gee

I hadn't even noticed the tears flooding out of my eyes that had made the letters on the page start to smear and run. In a million years I never thought I'd even get to be alone with this beautiful man again, let alone have another chance. "Mikey, is this for real?" I asked trying to wipe my eyes. His grinning nod and stance pulling me back to the reality, I had to get this kid hitched so I could see the man I wanted to marry. So that for once in a very long time I could feel what it was like to be whole. "Before we go out there I want you to know that Ray and I have known for years. You guys werent that sneaky and we have supported you fully. Whatever you two decide to do we are by your side 100%. Our only want is your happiness." he smiled pulling me into a highly welcomed hug. For the first time in awhile the touch of a human being made me feel at ease. For the first time my lungs were working voluntarily.