Way Wedding

Montages, and Pieces Found.

I paced the floor of my basement studio so many times I could've sworn I had wore a hole through the floor. Toying with the wedding band in my pocket that my mom had dropped off yesterday afternoon, I began to repeat my vows over and over again under my breath like they were sure to summon some demon. 

"Gerard, today I make you mine officially. You are my everything, you are my muse, and spending my life with you will be my greatest pleasure." I muttered trying to keep it all straight in my brain as my nerves were vibrating under my skin making it impossible to sleep, making my brain rattle into a lovestruck mush of overwhelmed anxiety. Tomorrow was the day, glancing over at the clock correcting myself, today. I shook my head a tossed my ass down onto the couch. Wishing I could take super glue and stick my ass to the cushion until the clock struck 10am. I wanted so much to toss myself up the stairs and bear my anxiety into lust letting it communicate against Gerard's skin. Leaving little marks that would barely be covered by his dress shirt and tie, his ass unable to sit down at the diner after the ceremony. As I tried to push that fucked thought so hard from my brain my temples erupted into a headache, sending chills down me. Gerard had strictly forbid me from fucking him the night before my wedding. Wanted to stick to tradition even though neither of us were as pure as he liked to believe. So instead I picked up my guitar, and tried to wonder instead what Gee was doing just up 2 flights of stairs. His body splayed over our bed, what was going through his brain. Was he sleeping? Did he possess the sanity to realize the hard parts are done. The coming out, the divorces, the love, the fights, and angst; It was all so far behind us now. It was like when you drink for the first time your throat burns like a branding iron was shoving down the soft tissue, but as you take your last shot to seal your delicate fate into drunkenness it's actually pleasant. Our wedding was that last shot, the last shot into a lifetime of love drunkenness. Losing interest in the acoustic my guitar that I didn't have the gracefulness to even strum, I laid my head down into my hands, pleading with any logical part of myself to open up the back door and throw all of my anxiety out like you do with a cat thats taken a piss all over your couch. It was an incredibly hard emotion to explain, because even with all of the nervousness , there was joy bubbling into my throat, that made me smile against my hands like an idiot. My brain flashing through all of our years together, all of the happy moments that made my heart fly. I couldn't help, but white knuckle onto the fact that for the rest of my life I would have his kisses pressed against my cheek, his grumpiness in the morning, his tired eyes that never seem to come to bed early enough to earn him enough sleep fluttering open and closed as I try to pry him from his pillow. I'd always get to hear him sing his silly songs while he showered, and see his smile when I tell him he's brilliant. Looking to my left my white suit hanging on my coat hook, the plastic shielding it from damage.  We had both chosen to wear white, not as a symbol of purity, but as a christening of starting over. Wanting so much to completely wipe every mistake, lost year, and mystery partner out of both our rearview mirrors. The way the dim light of my table lamp reflected on it, made me think of the ocean. Washing away everything, just like the ocean involved in some of the getaways we had always snuck away to have. The moments that involved Gee avoiding the water, while I ran through the shore like a dog. Splashing up water, the sand squishing between my toes and sticking to my ankles, the squeals of excitement that couldn't help but run out of my lips when a wave slapped into me. The prospect of that kind of happiness forever swelled into my brain, and sent me like a blind man to my desk, red pen in hand as I scratched out, added, and reworded my vows. As the clock struck 6:30 I finished, the heal of my hand covered in traces of red ink, and my tired head in need of coffee as I feared if I laid down to sleep now I wouldn't wake up in time. Or i'd be more tired than i already was trying to deliver my vows and do this right this time. Taking the steps two at a time with my short legs I flung the basement door open into the laundry room and made my way into the kitchen to be greeted by the smell of coffee that was set to brew at 6:00am every morning even though there was rarely a soul awake. 

"Frank?" Mikey questioned his body sitting up on the couch with one fist rubbing against his eye, his face twisted into almost the same expression Gee gives me when he's woken up. 

"Hey Mikes, go back to sleep i'm just grabbing some coffee." I smiled pouring almond milk into my skull shaped mug topping it off with coffee. 

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked sitting up fully gathering the blanket around his waist and turning his body so he was facing me. I nodded starting to wonder where Kristen was, but pushing the thought away. It was surely too early in their marriage for him to already be in the dog house. "Neither could Gee, finally got him down around 4:30 am. His phone wouldn't shut up, probably Lindsay." he paused shrugging off the comment, as it wavered in my mind and disintegrated. Lindsay of all people had no right to ruin today. "Bandit stole my wife from me, and the bed was too big to sleep alone. I hope you don't mind I camped out on the couch." he added most likely noticing my subtle darting eyes. He sighed "That's the thing once you get married Frank, and I mean married to someone who makes your whole world seem better than it ever could be. You can't stand to sleep alone, you can't stand to eat alone. Once you say the vows provided or ones from you heart, it's like a magnet is implanted into both of your arm that just pulls you straight to the love of your life, instantly and constantly; But I wouldn't trade it for the world, ya know? Don't be nervous Frank, Gee has always been the love of your life, the way you look at him discredits even the best romance novelist, and the way he speaks of you leaves no doubt in my brain, and i'm happy you two finally got your shit together. I just wish it hadn't involved you fucking my brother in my bed." he chuckled swinging his legs from the couch and making his way toward the kitchen. I couldn't help, but laugh.

"Payback for all of the times I had to walk over a used condom in the hall of our tour bus." I winked at him grabbing him down a coffee mug and sliding it over to his disheveled sleepy state. "I just don't want to ever fuck this up again Mikey. I can't bear to lose him one more time, or lose the life that we've built. I worry I will fuck this all up, or Gee will leave." I sighed finally coming to terms with myself about what had kept me up all night. Mikey's face scrunched together fighting a burst of hysterical laughter.

"You sound like my brother. Both of you are so concerned about fucking up, but here's the thing, and please listen fully when I say this. I've fucked up time and time again, and Kristen saved me. Both of you are each other's Kristen, and if there was any doubt in my mind that you guys will be happier than you ever thought possible." He paused lifting up his hands. "All of this shit, this house, the divorces, and this wedding wouldn't be happening. I wouldn't let it, because Gerard isn't going to end up in another sham marriage. The only decent thing Lindsay ever gave him was Bandit, otherwise it was all self hatred, ulcers, and an impending want to relapse constantly. I've never seen two people that epitomized unconditional love more than you too. No matter how fucked up both you and Gee like to think you are, and you know I don't mean any disrespect by that, bro.  He paused stepping forward to pat my shoulder the love, trust and raw emotion that is possessed between you two will always prevail." Mikey smiled wrapping me into a hug that made my eyes well. After all of these years feeling like Mikey was my kid brother he would finally be, and after all of these years feeling like my name was missing something I had found the missing piece. 

"Frank Anthony Iero Way." I whispered under my breath as we pulled away from the hug, the Way genes shining through as he turned immediately to pour coffee in his mug. My nerves quieted, my headache disappeared, and I could place no other emotion but excitement as I brushed past Mikey's narrowing eyes and made my way up the stairs to kiss Gerard good morning on our wedding day. Pinching myself to that thought alone, I smiled. Our wedding day, sang in my brain on repeat reminding me that none of this was a dream.  As I reached the top of the stairs I could hear Gerard's Star Wars ringtone, making my face turn into a grimace. "Just can't get the fuck out of our lives, but has no interest in his daughters." I growled lowly reaching the door just as the ringing stopped.