Way Wedding

Nerves & Tears

I was back home in an endless pit of confusion. Everything had been so magical back in LA and facetime conversations paired with texts just weren't the same as his hands. I didn't want to be without him, but I didn't want to be away from my children. "Frank, are you ready? Mr. Schwab is expecting us in 20 minutes." Jamia called from the living room no doubt putting her diamond studs in her ears that I had given her a few years ago for Christmas. Wincing to myself guilt was saddling its self on down my throat making me choke. Since I had gotten home we hadn't really had a real talk. It had been all business and no emotion, and I mean I deserved it but it still worried me. I had expected a fight, some kind of screaming match, our wedding china being thrown at my head. Anything other than calm conversations and lawyer trips. I knew Gerard and Lynz hadn't spoken at all since everything. Bandit visited every other day dropped off by her nanny and picked up the next morning. He was staying at Mikey's until they came back from their honeymoon and at that point on we would be proud residents of a tour bus for about 2 months. Out of habit I picked up my wife's keys and purse holding them out to her as what seemed more like a peace offering than a polite gesture. Expecting a scoff, I instead got a satisfied nod as she led me out of the front door. After today the divorce would be final, actually her lawyer uncle had pulled some strings to make it to where the marriage would never even exist. Only the guests at our wedding, and our children would ever know for sure we had been married. I had agreed that she got the house and the minivan, and she had in turn given me my white jeep, my tour bus, and joint custody. This divorce was more like a friendly compromise than a divorce and that fact both comforted and terrified me. Yes, I wanted a divorce. I didn't want to cheat with gee this time. I wanted it to be fully free, but it was still hard to say goodbye to someone who resembled the role of my best friend 90% of the time.

I had my mom in my ear confused as all hell, and my dad heckling me to ensure that I was getting all of this in writing. According to him "Women lie, and men have to be careful." I just wanted them to get out of my business and worry about themselves. I was getting a divorce, yes. For what reasons they didn't know, however it was happening and they were just going to have to learn to deal with it.

"I need a basis for the annaulment, Mr. and Mrs. Iero." the lawyer spoke sullenly as if he were getting divorced himself. I stayed quiet, my nerves overthrowing my ability to speak. Instead I sat there spinning my ring around my finger wondering if it would ever be replaced by one from Gerard. Fuck this is not the time to think about that I scolded myself bringing my eyes up to the lawyer still waiting on his answer. "Fraud and miscommunication." Jamia finally said relaxing back into her seat as if she had just lifted a thousand brick off of herself with those three words. Little did she know that the stack had replaced it's self on my chest. I knew if there was a god above and if I had been wrong all these years in not believing so I was fucking screwed. I was so far up shit creek without a paddle I may as well trade my boat for a gun. Because if my homosexual antics weren't going to get me send on the fast track to hell I was definetly on the express route for ruining this marriage. A marriage that was seeminly fine until a week ago when I had reunited with my ex-boyfriend/ bandmate and been walked in on by my wife. Shit your lifes a wreck, I taunted at myself now looking at Jamia mouthing an "I'm sorry." Her face didn't even look mad, her eyes were dry and I had this knot of guilt etched in my lower stomach that was slowly eating its way through my already fucked up digestive system

As we stepped it if the office I was unsure if I was even allowed to speak to her. I didn't know where we stood or if she was going to hire some hit man to off me in the next 26 hours. Finally recognizing the elephant in the room for both of Jamia spoke, "Okay, we need to talk."

Parts of me knew what three words I had to hear. Three words that would verify my guilt, verify the mess I made.

"I love you, and I always will. But solely as the father of my children's father. Long ago I knew your heart didn't belong to me and blindly I knew my heart didn't belong to you. As long as you maintain your relationship with your children, and figure out a way to minimize the shock throughout this entire situation, Gerard and Bandit are always welcome at our home. You are more than welcome to stay in the spare bedroom when you're off tour but for obvious reasons I would rather if Gerard didn't stay there with you. I know you want me to tell you how mad I am and how I hate you but Frank when you truly care for someone their happiness is all that matters." She kissed my cheek and walked to her car leaving me standing in front of the lawyers office stunned and utterly speechless. Thankful that we had driven here separately I took a seat on grass in front of my jeep, deep in thought and not giving two shits that I was probably staining my jeans. After 8 years I was divorced, no I was annulled as if Jamia and I never existed. No matter how long I had spent wishing to be in Gerards arms instead I knew that my 3 beautiful children wouldn't have been possible without her. And for that this entire situation hurt. It made the euphoria of Gerard flutter away slightly.

The ringing of my phone pulled me out of my trail on thought slightly startling me.

"Hi baby" he greeted, I could hear Bandit in the background singing along to some vinyl that Gee had playing. Fuck it was nice to hear his voice. It was making all of the shaking and cloudy thoughts ease.

"Hi." I replied weakly, usually I would try to hide my emotions. Hell I was good at it, but with Gerard I didn't have too which made me forever grateful. I sat outside that office for a long while pouring my heart out to Gerard explaining to his to jungle of emotions I was hacking through. His reassuring words making everything a bit better. If I was going to have to feel this way, lost and scared but still so euphoric I wanted to only feel it with him. It was the only way I would know it was real.

"I love you." I breathed out finally exasperating all of my feelings. I needed to get home and I knew it, I needed to be a devoted father for the next little while before I departed on my tour that was one part work and the other part pleasure.

"I love you too, baby." He whispered hanging up the phone leaving me alone under the dusky sky with my eyes drying for the first time in days.