Way Wedding

Local beloved Mickey Mouse fighting seperation and desperation.

Pain was the only thing that could describe the next few days of my life. These days that felt like years taking a toll on my already aging body. I felt it in my back when I tried to sleep curled into Gerard's spot, and my head when I woke the next morning grasping for him to only find a empty mattress. As cliche as it seemed I had lost interest in eating, and the one thing I wanted to turn toward was a gas station. Before I even gave it a full coherent thought my legs were carrying me. My short denim clad legs walking the streets in a less than desirable neighborhood, this fact alone sent a round of shivers down my spine. I continued on fighting the fear, convincing myself I was a man. Age old question if are you a man or a mouse raging in my brain. The answer being mouse, but if I was to be a mouse I'd always be Mickey; Rough, tumble, and overall clad. My pocket started to vibrate before I ever heard the ring tone, a gentle course of Gerard moans courtesy of fantasizing teenage girls. I shook my head at the thought, if they even knew. The memory of the fact that they knew sent my left thumb up into my palm to feel my ring. My legs stopped moving as my heart deflated, as much as he would hate this I still felt so carried. A pack wouldn't kill me anymore than the packs I smoked for all those years I started to reason with myself. Needlessly convincing myself as I still walked, the neon lights shining bright. The rings faded as I made a mental note to call him back as soon as I was done with this little adventure that I not only needed to keep from Gee, but my entire band if i could help it. The lights peered deep into my eyes with their color both pulling me in and pushing me away. A action I was to content with, and far you familiar with. I toyed around with the taste of deja vu, rolling it around in my tongue as the taste of a cigarette called me. I could see the American Spirit box in my hand, my tattooed hands ripping through the foil. Plastic littering my scuffed shoes, the first click of a lighter aligning between my eyes pulling my pupils to the flame. An inhale alone an orgasmic experience. My thirst bubbled into my throat as my head adjusted to the fluorescent lighting washing out the clerk standing tiredly at the counter. Looking down at my watch I did the math once over in my head before opening my mouth.

"Heya sugar, can I get a pack of American Spirits." I smiled laying an arm on the counter. My goofiness seething through my childish grin that I thought made this moment even more charming. She seemed unphased as she turned with a nod grabbing the pack and spinning back on her heal. "Only an hour and a half left. It'll fly by if you crank some music" I added hoping to get a smile at the most. Her expression unchanged she settled in front of the register as my right eyebrow cocked upward.

"What and I suppose you expect me to come party with you after I get off?" She snarked back making a chuckle crinkle up my throat. Drumming my fingers over the red vinyl counter I thought of just how to burst her bubble. With a wink I pulled myself to the tallest stand I could muster.

"Well you see sweetheart, I am very much gay, and the thing about that is I'm also engaged to the love of my life. So don't worry." I paused glancing up at her expression that stared to widen in shock. "Even thought I could totally drink you under the table." I winked arching my hip and pulling my black wallet out of my pocket, bouncing it open I pulled out 10 bill as I matched her gaze.

"I'm so sorry sir, there's just some real creeps that come in here late at night like this. She paused her cheeks reddening under her red hair that was totally natural. The soft curls falling over her shoulders shrouded in a red tshirt with the Circle K logo graffitied over the chest tucked in black jeans and if I had to bet she had black converse on. "It'll be $8,78." She smiled reaching her hand outward revealing black painted nails and a small semicolon tattoo on her wrist. Handing her the $10 my mind began to formulate how to respond, but wanting to stay true to myself.

"Hey I'm proud of you." I smiled as my eyes made out a few pink scars under it. They had faded greatly into her pale skin, but the black ink mixed with the lighting made the marks noticeable. We both shared a small glance and nod. Waving good bye and wishing her a goodnight I left pulling my black zippo out of my pocket. My hands mimicking the actions in my earlier fantasies, the taste exploded in my chest. My phone distracting me from an exaggerated inhale as I dropped my cigarette to my side like my mom had caught me smoking in the back yard I brought my phone to my ear and chuckled as I took another small puff. Sometimes I could be so childish. Exhaling I smiled as I heard the rustling of my fidgety fiancée.

"Baby Boy?" He asked with a note of concern in his voice. My hand flicking a small amount of ash beside my feet.

"Hi, my love." I grinned my cheeks feeling the muscle burn that accompanied the action. Smiling had been a lessened action in my every day life, and a mimicked one while on stage. I loved what I did, but without the one I love beside me I felt like I was a puppet with the entire world pulling my strings in every violent direction. 

"Tomorrow is the final day in court." Gerard sighed no doubt running his hand through his hair. His fingers catching little knots as he pushed his fist through the hair making small sparks of pain embed themselves into his body as comfort. If there was anyone that I knew well enough to sense his actions through a phone while miles apart it was my Gerard. The thought of him being fully mine made my heart swell in my chest happily.

"Everything will be okay, baby. The judge can't be so stupid that he can't see through Lindsay's act." I attempted to comfort him pulling the microphone away from my face taking placing the cigarette between my lips, making the toxic comfort fold over my body like a binding.

"That's the thing though, you know how she is Frankie. Not to mention I wouldn't put it past her to pull my mental health into it." His voice cracked with a sharp breath that made my mind start to work as my eyes wavered over my cancer stick. Fighting my eyes and their emotional need to form tears that would roll down my cheeks leaving them sticky and salty. I shook my head attempting to collect my thoughts before I opened my mouth and said terrible things about Bandit's mother.

"And if she's wants to pull that shit out, pull the nasty emails and texts she has sent me and you over the years. Even when we weren't speaking I'd get a warning every few months to stay away." I growled not even worrying about hiding the very apparent inhale that I needed to settle my stomach. Fumbling over words I took another hit, my old tendencies thirsting for a joint in the most unhealthy ways.

"I just.. Fr..rank I can't lose her." He sobbed finally letting the emotion fall out of him. Making my own fall over me quickly, and clumsily. Another sharp inhale interrupted his painful cries. Making the bad things I was partaking in feel a lot less guilt ridden.

"Honey, that'll never happen. I may not believe in a God per say; but Elena and nonno is looking over us and our kids. Nothing will happen that isn't meant to happen." I attempted to comfort him, the mention of our grandparents instantly creating a comfort for both of us. As our conversation transitioned to a more relaxed subject my childish mind broke free. "So how are Marlboro reds after all this time?" I asked latching my lip in my teeth. His laugh echoed in my ear making the smile on my face widen to capacity.

"Wonderful my love, and American Spirits?" He tainted back as I nodded with a hum as if he could see me.

Dedicated to eathermouth for making me continue writing this wonderful story that deserves to be told.