Way Wedding

Adolescent Zealous, and All the Questions That Accompany It.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy." my unison of little voices called out to me crowding around my legs all three of their faces bright, shining, and littered with little tears. dropping to my knees to wrap all of them into my arms I let my emotions out leaving wet spots onto each of their heads. Holding my creations in my arms I let the reminder of the life I had led pre this tour bubble into my throat, and embody it's self in my warm embrace that was starting to make their adolescent impatience wiggle away from me.

"Why are you crying, daddy?" Miles asked his small fist making contact with my face wiping away the tear that had brought it's self down to my jawline. Quickly opening my backpack and distributing the gifts I pushed away any of my vexing thoughts that had the audacity to linger in this moment. Watching as each of their faces lit up to the sight of various trinkets from the cities I visited I turned to Jamia handing her a small package containing the small gift I had bought her in California. Her warm smile graciously thanked me for the gift and watched over our kid's and their almost destructive opening and interaction with their toys. My childlike eyes willed her to just let them be, and allow me to enjoy my first few moments back with them. Regardless of the fact that it was 8 in the morning, and it was doubtful as my children they had gotten straight out of bed and eaten I knew they needed to eat breakfast and stay on schedule. She gave me the same look she would give the three of them if they were asking her to stray from their schedule before sharing looking over at Gerard to see his weigh in on this. Waving his hypothetical white flag he took a step back looking, and headed to the baggage claim to retrieve his giant suitcase and my duffel. 

"My loves, come along. Daddy and you guys can play at home." Jamia chimed in, bending down among our small childish circle, and looking into my eyes playfully challenging me to disagree. 

"Can Uncle Gee come?" Lily piped up looking over her shoulder searching for where Gee had gone which gave me hope to the changes that would be ensuing after tour ended. Jamia nodded leaning down to put the trinkets in her purse for safe keeping. As she took Lilly and Mile's hands we made brief eye contact that showed me something was different inside of her. It had been roughly five years since I had seen her look this way. Five years since her eyes had danced with a smile that didn't relate directly to the kids. It was such a contagious type of happiness that made a small part of me sink for taking from her. Cherry pulled at my sleeve so that I would wrap my arms around her and pull her up into my grasp her legs dangling beside my side and her feet crowding my hips. Attempting not to complain internally I shifted her weight in my arms and looked over to Gerard falling even more in love with him on the account of the way he looked at my kid's as if they were his own making easy small talk with Lily's distracted conversation. As my tired body stepped back into Jersey's morning air,  I allowed it to fill my lungs and blow my hair taking in the smell of home that made me feel like I had never left.

__________________________________

After spending the day with my rowdy children I took comfort in the idea of an actual bed that awaited my back at our hotel. However even more than the aspect of rest I wanted Gerard's arms around me. Understandably so it had been a day of limited contact which had left my bones aching for him. I tucked, read, and sang each of the kids to sleep just how they liked in their special order that they repeatedly told me mom broke. Backing out of Lily and Cherry's room I couldn't help but chuckle and then sink into a comfortable place of nostalgia surrounded by the walls that had once been my semblance of making it as an adult. The rooms decorated by Jamia and I early on in our marriage, and held so many memories that now could be stamped as a void into nothing. The city would always be my home, but these walls no longer were. The chapter of my family of five was over, and that was a bittersweet one that left me clutching at my engagement ring to remind me of how okay that was. I let my eyes study over the pictures that decorated the walls remembering all the little times, and how different they would be from now on. How my family was now in a blender trying to blend Gerard inside like a horse pill; then eventually Bandit would join the mixture giving us a whole new dynamic. Small pangs of anxiety poked at my stomach as I wondered how that would weather on each of us individually. Both Gerard and I with young children, and lives that just happened to play out on opposite sides of the country. What were my children going to say when they were teenagers having to explain about why their mom and dad were divorced? Pushing through my expanding life altering list of questions I threw myself into the bathroom that was newly renovated after my outburst pre-Mikey's wedding that had left my self destructive fist still scattered with little scars. Taking a look around remembering the way the blood and glass had littered itself all over the floor and in the sink I shuddered at the person who created that mess. A version of me that i felt no longer lingered deep inside. I had been such an angry person deep down, and for the sanity of myself and the people close to me I made myself promise to never let that be me again. Running my hands under the water and then through my hair I took in a deep breathe as I feared what I would face between just Gerard, Jamia, and I but made myself surface out of the bathroom when I heard laughing coming from the master bedroom. Taking a quick inventory in my head i recalled a worn out "Uncle Gee" mostly likely passed out on the living room rug right now. Pushing my curiosity further I took small steps toward my old bedroom and pushed the door open with my foot. The difference of the room itself caught me off guard, Jamia had redone it all with purples and yellows completely wiping the presence of a man out of the room. Holding a finger up to me Jamia smiled walking into the bathroom quickly wrapping up her conversation as I took a seat in an antique yellow chair that i'd be lying if I said I wasn't a fan of. 

"Headed out?" she asked nonchalantly pulling pajama's of a drawer and folding down the edge of the comforter on her side of the bed. 

"You look really happy, Jamia." I remarked dropping my gaze from her vanity mirror turning my body to see her reaction. 

"I am" she giggled like a school pushing my curiosity not to a jealous level but to a interesting one.

"Who is he?" I pried further not trying to sound jealous, but letting an edge of protectiveness surface.

"His name is Rod. I met him at work; don't worry I have no intention of introducing him to the kids for a good few months. Frank, I really like him." she paused assessing my face before continuing. "he makes me happier than i've been in a long time." she smiled leaving my mind at ease as I stood to wrap her in a hug that I tried to make as least awkward as possible. "You know considering we made children this is going to be weird to say, but you're like my best friend/brother." she laughed into my shoulder hugging me back not letting an ounce of weirdness surface. Knowing exactly what she meant I pressed a light kiss into her hair before speaking.

"If you're happy thats all that matters. Just try not the get him with your right hook." I laughed as we parted from one another arms. Making small talk for a little while I asked her more about Rod as she ensured I was as happy as I seemed with Gerard. We found our middle ground of friendship in the situation leaving my future hopeful. "Well i'm gonna get headed to the hotel, I didn't get much sleep last night on the plane." I complained hugging her one last time and standing to leave as she scurried into the bathroom for her skin routine that I had watched her do for years always laughing to myself. As I descended down the stairs I saw my fiancee passed out his arms curled under his head shifting his shirt up just enough for his belly button to peak out making me laugh light heartedly. Bending to my knees I tapped his forehead triggering an on guard response in fear of another attack from my over zealous kids. 

"Are we going to the hotel?" he asked rubbing his eyes and sitting up tiredly making my own drowsiness set in. I nodded hopping to my feet offering his worn out body a hand up. As we walked through the kitchen to grab my Jeep's keys I took a once over to the way things looked knowing it would easily be another months before I dwelled for long period of time among these walls again.  

"Come on, my love." I remarked happily pulling his tired body along with me to the garage waiting until we were there to press him up against my white Jeep to kiss him causing each of us to melt.