Way Wedding

Owing a Dead Man Money.

My heart began to quicken as we sat down in our booth at the restaurant, it finally started to set in that it was our beginning of forever. We weren't hiding anymore, we weren't doing anything other than being totally and almost foolishly in love. My sounds of each of my parent's voices bickering pulled me out of my haze reminding me just how much they actually did love each other. They always had my entire life just been too afraid to admit those words to each other, too fucked up to actually try hard enough. Instead they bickered, they got jealous, and they loved from afar using me as a game piece at times. If it wasn't because I loved them both so dearly I could definitely play the child neglect card. I always wished they would get back together, but knew better. Deep down I hoped the kids wouldn't ever think that about Jamia and I. I didn't want them to ever feel like the end of their parents marriage could have been prevented in any way the way I had for most of my childhood and even early adulthood. That was baggage I never wanted to saddle them with. 

"Oh my baby." My mom said a little too loud causing people to look over, and Gerard's hand to jump off of my leg. It was like we were teenagers coming out but instead middle aged divorcees admitting to a love that had been brewing for far longer, and in turn spelled the end of our marriages. Not to mention he was my ex band mate, but we weren't going to talk about that part because thats some uncharted territory, and the old saying is true what they don't know won't hurt them. I had hurt way too many people in the past few months. We all stood and hugged making small talk over our drinks. The entire time her describing the fact that even though I had been doing this tour thing since the summer of my junior year in high school she had never gotten used to it. As well as the fact that "celebrity" or not I was still her baby, her long red finger nails making almost obnoxious air quotes around the word celebrity. Making me cringe slightly in my seat, and bask in the humbleness that being around my family brought. When the waitress came around we all ordered our meal. Gerard had a turkey burger, my mom and dad both got chicken fried steak, and my stomach had officially began eating itself alive from the nerves so I just ordered fries and sneakily winked over at Gerard. Between us it had always been the little things, like a kiss on each other's foreheads when we think the other is still asleep, or the notes in my guitar case; this was no different. A small nod to the start of us on a night that we got to finally be us, and not hide it from a soul anymore. The most liberating part of it all was his comfort in finally being him. Because for so long it had been all fun and games wearing guy liner and making out on stage, but he refused to let himself believe that there was more for us than sex. I could still feel the pang in my stomach that had stayed with me for the longest time over the line in No Shows "It's not love if it's just fucking". Pushing it aside in my brain I tried to gather the words to my speech that I had put together in front of the mirror this morning as I shaved at my face. However my angsty brain turned the words into mush every time I tried to open my mouth. Cotton mouth taking over like I had just smoked three blunts, and I was trying to convince my parents that I was sober with my eyes glassier than a phone screen, and as red as our eye makeup used to be. Just as I thought I had gathered the courage my dad excused himself to the bathroom making a weight lift off my chest as I weighed the option of telling my mom first. There was a large chance that she would be able to cushion the weight of this revelation.

"Okay, I want to see the ring." my mom smiled as soon as my dad slipped into the bathroom. Awestruck I felt Gerard stiffen beside me, as I stared wide eyed at my mom across the table. "Frankie, honey did you really think I didn't know?" she paused with a laugh as I extended my hand toward hers so she could inspect the ring. "Donna and I talk every Sunday at noon, the minute Gerard decided to talk to you at Mikey's wedding I got a call. I've known about you two for a long time, and I even though I love my grandchildren more than life itself you should have never married Jamia and thats final." Looking over at Gerard her eyes softened as she reached for his pale hand that was trembling in his lap. "And Gee, your daughter Bandit will be just as much my family as Cherry, Lily, and Miles." His hand laid in hers as her eyes welled up holding both of our hands. "I love you both alot, and I am beyond happy that this is finally happening for you two. You deserve it." she gushed as she let go softening her expression to a more serious one. "Frank, your father doesn't know and I think you need to tell him." My laughter spilled out more hysterical than intended as I banged my hand on the table.

"Aw ma, can't you just do it for me." I joked feeling the fear that came with telling my father. It wasn't that I was afraid of his reaction because everything aside I had faith that my father would always love me. I was more afraid of any snide comments that may accompany the revelation that his son was actually gay. If the eyeliner, nail polish, and gay porn i'm sure he had caught me watching as a teenager hadn't already been a clue. I saw the bathroom door open and shot a look at both Gerard and my mom begging them to ease my nerves. Gee's eye lids dropped down into the same look that I get when I become submissive to comfort me. As my father slid into the booth he could feel all of our eyes on him. Our resemblance showing through in a rare moment and making me think of my grandfather, as his forehead crinkled up and his hand ran through his hair that was starting to recede. Making him look like like Nonno, and spread a blanket of comfort like the quilts my grandmother used to make and send us with when we'd go on adventures outdoors in our picnic basket. "Dad." I paused mirroring his action of running my hand through my dark hair. "I'm gay." I continued in a blurting fashion. His forehead softened and his lips curled up as a chuckle choked out.

"Well I owe Nonno $20 bucks." he laughed before continuing " I bet him when you were 16 that you wouldn't come out until after you were 45, you're 10 years early." he smiled before turning his gaze to Gerard. "Hurt my son again, and I will kill you. I saw the way you leaving and the band dismembering killed him inside. I won't stand for it, otherwise welcome to the family son." he smiled wide just as the waitress came up with our food.

"How is everything for you guys tonight?" she asked mixing Gerard's turkey burger with mom's chicken fried steak. Ignoring the blunder and squirting ketchup onto my plate I beamed ear to ear.

"Everything is perfect." I said as I looked over at Gerard and kissed his cheek before resting my hand on his thigh. Finally having a wave of hunger wash over me.