Nightingale [h.s.]

2: Wrecking Ball

I arrived home at about ten in the night.

After I cried and cried in the streets, I got myself up as the rain continued to pour on me and walked over to a bench at a nearby park to sit down.

I sat there for a couple of hours, thinking about all those memories I had with her, and how I was going to deal with what happened to her. If I could.

I did it.

I could have stopped.

I had no control over it now.

I couldn't face the fact that she really was gone, my Bailey was gone. The one I'd grown to love and give myself to. All gone.

I didn't know what to do, memories played over and over in my head until it got to the point where I began to cry again. All my heart wanted to do was cry.

This is all my fault.

If I hadn't let her leave, she'd be here with me, in my arms. We'd go to our classes together, me holding onto her hand as I walked her to class and her kissing me goodbye when we arrived and I had to leave.

But it wasn't going to be that way, not anymore.

People watched as I cried, either ignoring me or wondering why a stupid boy would be crying, especially somewhere public where little kids were playing.

But I didn't care.

Everyone goes through heartbreak and either cries over it or gets over it. But this was my version of it.

Thinking about the girl who you cherished and loved, replaying every single memory you had with her until you could feel that crack in your heart spread, killing it and managing to hurt you.

'That's the thing about pain,' I had once read on a winter day at Bai's house after she begged me to read it with her. I of course gave in.'It demands to be felt.'

I nodded to myself because it was true.

All pain wanted was to be noticed. It needed to feel alive and the only way by doing it was to hurt someone and make them feel completely miserable.

I was furious with myself. Furious over the fact that I wasn't there for her that one night we both lost everything. Her.

There was no way I was going to get over this nor did I want to. Feeling the heartbreak just proved how much I loved her and needed her in my life.

I was planning on being her sanity, being her shelter. Whenever she'd need someone, I'd always be there for her right away because I cared for her more than I did for myself.

I wanted to be her nightingale. Her rescuer and knight in shining armor.

She'd always count on me, for as I would always be by her side.

But now my life, love, and meaning was over. Without her I was nothing.

Nothing but a broken heart in an empty body.

---------

Liam found me when he searched and searched for me when I didn't arrive in our apartment he and I shared.

By the time he found me, I was walking to the middle of the street, planning to get hit but it never happened.

Liam got there on time to prevent a car from crashing. It disappointed me. Getting hit was less painful than how I felt inside.

He asked what was wrong with me but I never replied after the countless times he asked me in the car as he drove us home.

It took a while for him to get me off the car since I wouldn't budge. I tried but I knew I wouldn't be able to with this weight on my shoulders. The weight she caused me to have.