Goodbye.

You're beautiful.

We've had been walking home for 30 minutes. At this point my hoodie was soaked, causing my hair underneath to become wet. Along the way we made only small conversations here and there nothing major. I found out what he's like. Slightly geeky but he didn't have much to tell. At one point he mention my dad asking again if I was okay. I tried to shrug it off but he soon realized that I wasn't happy to answer his question.
Walking down the soaked path almost being splashed by at least 3 cars we got to a crossing to which his house was on the other side of the road.

Josh soon stopped at his steps leading to his front door; I soon walked around to stand in front of him with my back turned to where I shall carry on walking home.

"This is where I stop I guess."

We stopped then turned to look at each other. The rain had stopped and then started to drizzle. Every now and then droplets of water would press again my skin.

I soon felt uncomfortable, so I pulled down my hood. Once it was down my brown hair looked crazy as it went all static. Josh lifted up his hands and gently pressed them onto my head to flatten my hair. I kept looking down as I didn't want him to see me tear up. I was hoping that the drizzle of the rain would cover it up. As josh flattened my hair, it reminded me of my dad. It reminded me of when I would come home and my hair would be everywhere. A day after school or being out with my mum at the park, my mum would open the front door, normally with loads of bags on each of her arms. We wasn't the riches family but we got there. My dad would be in the kitchen. He normally would've had a smoke but soon got rid of it when I came home as he didn't want to be a bad influence on me even though I already knew.
He would then be siting in a stool in the kitchen as he saw my run through the front door down the hallway. He would stand and get down on his knees ready to embrace my hug. My head would rest in the crevice of his neck with my cheek on his shoulder. He then place his worn hands on my head stroking me while flattening my hair at the same time. I miss him so much...

"You're so beautiful."

A tear rolls down my cheeks as he lifted my head up to wonder into his eyes. When he realised a streak of water gliding down my face he immediately removed his hand. He looked down at the wet cold floor as if he is the one that caused me to cry.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

I soon realized, me become emotional made him think that he caused this.

"No it's not you it's just, things.. I got a little overwhelmed by memories I guess..."

Looking up to see the guilt run across his face I grabbed his hand to tell him that he had nothing to do with the tears. He looks straight at our hands connect as one as the warmth of his hand touch against mine. We ended up looking at each other as we both began to blush. We leaned in. Slowly but surly our eyes began to close. Not even centimeters away from our lips touching, my eyes open and I moved back.

"Sorry, I, I should get back. I mean my mum will worry."

I let out a little giggle trying to rub off what almost happened.

"Oh. What. Yeah, sure okay."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe we could walk with each other. I mean that's if you like?"

After I said that a spark of light struck his face. He looked down and began to smile as he followed that by saying,

"Sure. I'd love that."

Saying our goodbyes for the day I watched him walk into his house. Once he was inside I smiled, then turned myself around to start walking home. Placing my hood back over my head then hands in my pocket i started walking.

All day I had been thinking about my dad. Letting all of my anxiety take over, every inch of darkness I tried to avoid had grabbed hold of me today. But walking home all of that darkness was taken over by a light. No matter what I tried to think of, all I could think of was him. For once in a long time this is a feeling I want to keep and not something that can cause me pain. Even though I felt like this I didn't want to hold onto that feeling as I felt like after everything bad thing that's happened to me, it's like I don't deserve it. Surly if I was allowed something as good as a feeling I would've felt it already; surely this is going to happen, something, one thing at least is going to mess it up.
In all honesty I didn't want that. I want to keep and cherish this feeling for as long as I can.