Goodbye.

I promise.

Josh has been in the room for a few hours feeding me soup. I spat it out at him a few times. Some by mistake. Most on purpose. The trouble is as my ankle and wrist AND nose is broken I literally can't do anything; also because every now and then I feel the need to vomit, not just I'm pregnant, but also because I was poisoned. 

"I need to pee."

He grabbed under my arm and help softly onto my wrist and gave me a crutch to help me walk to the toilet. I feel like an old couple because he comes in and helps me pee and shower. It was weird and I was and awkward shit at first but it's good to know he doesn't care at what state i'm in. 

"Could you call my mum and ask if she can come and visit soon please?"

He smiled at me as I was siting on the toilet. For others this was odd but it was normal for us. He walked out into the room and called my mum.

"Hey Claire, it's Josh, grumpy was wondering if you can visit?"

It makes me laugh. It's like were a married couple. I love him but every moment I feel guilty for how I treated him. I feel like he doesn't deserve me but he says he's happy and I believe him. 

"Grumps she said she can but do you want anything?"

Ooo what could I have? I could literally die for a smoothie; or a caramel frapachino! When they have the big ice cubes and you can feel it glide down my throat cooling my whole body and it's just sooo mmmmm! 

"A caramel frap? please."

He laughed as I'd been craving one all day.

"She said sure! she'll even get a mango smoothie and ginger biscuits but you have to let me have some."

God I love the both of them. We all lost so much but we have each other. I don't want to lose them again if I ever feel like i'm gonna snap or get mad i'll just re think this moment and it will hopefully make everything feel and become better. 

"Josh i'm done!"

He came in and helped me and helped me to my bed. 

As I sat down Josh's nurse came in.

"Josh can I speak to you for a moment please?"

Josh walked out of the room with the nurse as I sat there on my phone just scrolling through social media. Moments later Josh walked in with a sad look on his face. 

"Josh is everything okay?"

I slide myself up on my bed as he came and sat down next to me.

"I'm getting let out..."

"OMG Josh! That's great! Why aren't you smiling that's the best. You can leave and explore the world more!"

He just looked at the ground. Something was wrong. He should be happy.

"Oi? What's wrong?"

He wouldn't say a word. I placed my hand on his chin and lifted his head to look at me.

"I have no where to go back to. My foster parents put me up for foster care again..."

Why now? He doesn't deserve this. He's so caring and loving and he deserves a family after anything. I want to ask why as I've never actually asked about stuff like this but i'm worried it will upset him. 

"Why?"

He removed my hand and held it on his leg. He was shaking and was cold to the touch. 

"Me being in hospital was too much money for them. With my heart condition it would've broke them. They also heard about my break down and said that they couldn't take care of me anymore." 

He's always felt alone. Even when he's with me I know he feels alone but I try to help. 

"Hey. Stop it come here."

I poked his leg to get him to look at me. His eyes were filled with water but not enough for a tear to drop down his face.

"You'll find a family. One that will care and love you. I promise and I don't break promises." 

He looked at me and smiled like a gave him a little hope. 

"Now come here."

He leaned over to allow me to kiss him. We placed our foreheads as one.

"Can we got for a stroll in the hospital garden?"

He looked at me and smiles. I hadn't been outside in ages. Neither has he. The closest we've been is near a window. He grabbed my wheel chair and placed my favourite pillow down for me to sit on. After helping me up of my bed he rested me on the chair and tied back my hair; he ran his finger through my hair so delicately making me smile with each touch. 

"What do you want to do?"

He looked down at me. I felt his arm upon my shoulder I looked up to see him smiling. His smile was the most cutest thing ever. It made me feel so happy and never want to leave. His eyes were the most beautiful-est creations ever. Every time he smiled or laughed they would slightly squint which would make me happy no matter what. 

"Just sit out in the sun with you and to let the world around us disappear into the night sky as the stars would bloom above us."

He kisses my head as we headed out. This was what I wanted my life to be like from now on. He was the one thing that made me truly happy. I never wanted to leave him; because every time were apart I miss him like crazy.