Goodbye.

I'll be a better mother than you ever were!

"You're pregnant! When were you going to tell me about this?!"

Josh came running in until my mum moves her head at him with rage burning in her eyes.

"Was this you?! Did you get my daughter fucking pregnant?!"

She walks towards Josh waving the test in his face shouting at him.

"Mum stop! It's not him just leave him alone I didn't know if I was that's why I took the test!"

She stands there staring at Josh until I place my hand on her arm just as she threw my hand off walking backwards. She grips onto the test tightly.

"Well if it isn't him who on Earth is it then?!"

I look at the ground as even I am unsure of that. 

"Rachel who's fucking child is this?!"

I continue to glare at the ground still unsure of what to say. Before I knew it Josh spoke up and said,

"She's not sure... She.... She was raped. That's why I was beating up those men. That's also how she got the scars and bruises on her."

My mums face instantly dropped as well as the test leaving her hand dropping down at the floor. Her eyes began to tear up as she watched me standing there. 

"Rachel, honey I didn't know. I'm so sorry for snapping at you. I will help you abort it if you want?"

I stand there when all of a sudden this rage continues to grow inside of me after she mentioned aborting it.

"Why would you assume I wanted to get rid of it?"

I clenched my fist then placed them around my stomach as I watched the ground. My eyebrows lowered with rage.

"Rachel she was only sug...."

"No! I get pregnant at 16 and she automatically starts to take control of my baby's life!"

I stand there, with my arms straightened and tensed. My fists were clenched as my face burned red with rage as my voice became louder with more aggression. I glared at my mum shouting at her. Each time I spoke waving my arms around trying to express how I felt as well as my voice.

"Rachel."

"Don't Rachel me! Obviously I wanted to get rid of the baby when I thought I might be pregnant! But i'm going to be a better mother than you were! Yeah I knew my dad and lost him and he or she wont know her dad, but it'll have a father figure and have a mother that isn't afraid to talk about it's dad!" 

My voice stopped. I stood there panting. Each breath shorter than the other.

"If your dad was here he..."

"Well he's not here! He's gone!"

My eyes sparkled. Not with happiness or joy, but with sadness. Destruction. All I could do was stare at nothing. My mum was standing there. Josh didn't know what to do, until my mum grabbed her bag and walked out of the room without saying another word. 

"Rachel?"

Josh stood there. I sniffed whipping away tears and picked up the pregnancy test. 

"Rachel why did you snap?"

I didn't say a word.

"Your mother finds out her 16 year old daughter is pregnant, not only pregnant but the fact she was raped. Her little girl who she raised as a single parent. Then you start to mention how you'll be a better mother. At you'll talk about its dad. She lost someone she loves too! Your dad was her husband remember that! I don't know what happened but you weren't the only one that loved him. This is low. Even for you."

I turn at him instantly raising my voice.

"You weren't there! You didn't get raped! You didn't watch your own dad die! You didn't have to be with someone who wouldn't even talk about him as if he meant nothing and it never happened! You're not the one who has to carry around a rapists baby; and the thought of killing it before it's even born destroys you! You're not the one that's life is probably ruined and you have probably destroyed your own mothers life who has already lost so much!"

I cried so hard. I couldn't stop everything I've been keeping locked away and threw away the key, it had been smashed open and was all bursting out. 

I couldn't help but cry. What have I done?