Goodbye.

You hit me.

I've been siting chatting to Josh for hours now. The whole time he has been looking at me. Every time I would look back I would start to blush. 

We were talking normally having a great time until I asked him what was wrong with me. That's when the moment went silent. His smile faded and he stopped looking at me. He started to play with his fingers looking down at them. 

"Josh? I need to know at some point. I'm in hospital and it's obviously something bad; as you and my mum always try to change the subject. Why?"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"Don't worry about it you don't need to know."

I took my hands away from near him and moved further away.

"What do you mean I don't need to know? Josh I'm in hospital and I'm probably going to die but you wont tell me of what?!"

My fists began to clench as they were keeping secret of what the rest of my life is going to be. That's even if I have anymore life to live. I know were both in hospital and he has as much of a situation as I do but, How confusing is it to be stuck in a place when you have no idea why; or why you should even stay. What's the point of acting like it's okay when the truth of yourself is bringing everyone down but you.

"Rachel just stop okay. You will be better off not knowing. It's for your...."

"How is this better off?! Can't you see me not knowing is killing me! I'm probably physically being killed but how am I meant to know! Nobody is telling me a thing why I'm stuck in this fucking place!"

You can see the veins on his arms began to become more clear as he tensed too. Us having a go at one another was causing stress. He was siting there looking down in trying to control his anger. The anticipation was getting to me, making all of my rage build up larger and larger.

"Josh for fuck sake, what's wrong with me?!"

He slammed up off the bed and looked at me with rage. 

"You're dying! Okay! They don't know what it is but you're heart is getting slower and slower! They say you don't have long but you're not going to  li..v....e."

He looked at me as I was staring down at the ground not acknowledging anything around me. 

"Rachel. I didn't mean to raise my voice at you... I'm sorry..."

He walked up closer to me placing his hand onto my shoulder.

I continued to glare at the ground. 

"Rachel, ple..."

"Go."

I cut him off. I could hear the sound of his voice breaking after I said that one word; trying to think of something to say.

"Don't say that. Pleas.."

"Josh just go! Okay. Just leave the room!"

He removed his hand siting down next to me trying to comfort me. I got tense. Everyone I knew and loved was holding back the fact I was dying. I might not have long to live and they tried to act like everything was okay?! I know this isn't how I should feel or spend my last situations but to hold something like your own death from you is inhumane. You don't realise how long you've got, or how much time your wasting.

"Listen to me. I said I was sorry."

I turned to look at him while rage on my face. My eyes filling up with tears making me blinking trying to get rid of them. He placed his hands on mine until I threw them off. 

"Just go! I told you to leave; what are you still doing here?!"

He stood up in shock telling me to calm down trying to hold me down. I don't know why I was acting like this. I've never felt this angry.

"Rachel stop!"

He started to grab my wrists trying to calm me but I kept swinging trying to get him off me and push him away shouting at him.

"Get off me! Leave me alone you hid the fact I was dying and expect me to be okay with that?! I'm in hospital and didn't know what was wrong! I could've randomly died or had fucking seizures but would never have known why!"

As all of my rage was getting stronger and more intense he hit me.. We stared at each other. Both in shock but for some reason I didn't care. He was angry; but so was I. 

Once it was done Josh stood there looking and holding his hand.

"I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean to."

At this point I didn't care.

"You hit me... You fucking hit me! You dick! Get out! Don't fucking touch me!"

He was still holding onto me until I began screaming. The Nurses and Doctors ran into the room holding me back pushing him out of the way. 

"Get out of here!" 

As I was screaming being held back, all I could focus on was Josh standing there staring at me shocked. My screams got quieter as I broke down crying; crouching down to the ground. One of the doctors grabbed Josh leading him out of the room. I grabbed onto the Doctors arm squeezing and crying. 

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!"

The doctor squeezed me harder. 

"Rachel calm down please. He's gone it's just me and you."

I squeezed less harder. Grabbing my stomach as I felt physically sick.

"I'm gonna be sick."

He looked at me holding my head. 

"You are going to feel like that aft..."

"No.  I'm going to be sick."

I quickly got up and ran to the toilet and threw up. The Doctor came over holding my hair back. 

After I had finished I sat down on the ground as he came and sat next to me. I looked over at him, his face seemed really confused.

"What's wrong?"

He looked at the toilet.

"You shouldn't have been sick... Yeah we don't know what's wrong with you but it's to do with your heart. So technically the troubles your heart is facing can't physically cause you to be sick. Unless..."

The Doctor stood there in silence. He was speechless. There I was crouching down at the toilet. 

"Unless what?!"