Goodbye.

What will he think?

Asleep in agony in my bed, I was soon awoken to the sound of my alarm clock, ringing in my ear. It's 7:00am on a Saturday.

I managed to shuffle my way out of my bed, my aching body hurt all over. I walked out my room and walked into the bathroom. 

My mum left for work at 6:00am as she wanted to make a good first impression. So I was at home alone. I stood there in front of the mirror and began to take off my clothes, leaving me in my underwear. The bruises turned into a deeper purple, almost black... The cuts had dried blood around them. They must have opened in the middle of the night. Quickly washing my face avoiding to press hard on the pain, I re-dressed myself and strolled downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. I opened up the cupboards to see nothing. There were a few bowls from the last house and only a few pieces of bread laying on the counter top. I couldn't make myself toast as we didn't have a toaster. I opened the fridge to see a bottle of wine and a few eggs hidden at the back. I decided as yesterday to not have anything. I would have a glass of water but being honest I didn't really even have the energy for that either... 

Walking to the living room I collapsed onto the sofa and moaned in pain as all of the bruises running up and down my body were shocked.

I grabbed out my phone and checked my messages to see a notification from Josh. It read good morning beautiful... The part of me that wasn't torn apart wanted to smile but the part of me that was hurt couldn't use the energy to.

"Good morning sorry I didn't reply I only just woke up... X "

I leaned over to get the remote. As I looked down at my hand to see the patches of purple and green like oil spread out under my skin. I hated this. If I can't even grab a remote without exposing them let alone the ones on my face, how do I expect myself to do anything? Let alone stop my mum and/or Josh from seeing them. I knew there was no way I could hide it; but I would try anything from stopping them from knowing...

"If it's okay could I come round as I have a surprise? X "

I told him I would do something today as I didn't want him to suspect something is wrong...

"What yeah sure just walk past the ally. X "

The ally... To think this all just happened last night. It was so quick as it never even happened at all. Well it obviously did as I have the marks to prove it. For other people to think that it would never happen to them, I knew something back was going to happen as it was all going to perfect. Let alone for something as bad as what happened last night to happen is unreal... 

"Just walk past the ally and keep walking for 5 minutes my house is the one with the wooden garage. X "

"Awesome thanks. See you in 10 minutes! X "

I had butterflies in my stomach not because I was nervous, it was because I was ashamed of what he would see... Yeah we hadn't even known each other for a week but I'm guessing he likes me as I do him, so for him to see me like this has to be hard. I want to see him but not at all like this. Why couldn't it have been me rather than my dad.

I walked up to my room and pulled out the baggiest clothes I could find, as anything too tight would leave me in agony. I threw on a different, bigger hoodie, as I made sure the bloody ones were out of sight.

 I walked over to the closest window and glanced outside. The sun was shining and the warmth would shine threw. I knew he would suspect something is wrong if I'm wearing long sleeve in weather like this... There was nothing I could do. I had to avoid all eye contact as possible.

To pass the time I made my bed. I sat down on my freshly made bed as the thought of my dad popped in my head... If he is looking down on me I'm sure he would be ashamed of me... Not even ashamed but hurt. That I'm going through this on my own. He might even think it's his fault; that if he were to have stayed we would never have moved, I would've never got hurt...

5 minutes have passed and there was a knock on the door. I raised from my bed as different parts of my skin felt like it wanted to rip open to widen the wounds. I couldn't take too long as he knows I'm happy to see him. 

As quick as I could manage, I made my way down the stairs. Then stood at the door as his shadow figure glanced at me. I couldn't even see any detail of him yet I was scared. So to image seeing him in person terrifies me.

Every muscle in my body wanted to avoid opening up that door. He's here and I can't turn away... I lifted up my bruised and damaged hand allowing my fingers to unlock the door. The sound of the lock clicked as I rested my hand on the handle. 

"Rachel you okay?" 

"Yeah sorry the lock is stuck."

Hearing his voice is calming but frightful. Shaking in so many ways I didn't think were normal, I managed to open the door allowing Josh to start to step inside. Time for the moment of truth.