Coward

Chapter Seventeen

As soon as I cross the familiar meadow in front of my house I climb through one of the many open windows and begin the search for my phone. Some fifteen minutes later a victory smile found its way onto my face as I swept and arm under my bed. I don't remember the last time I slept in my own bed and I have no idea how my phone got there but I just shrug it off. After putting my phone on charge I quickly undress and step under the cold water of my shower. I feel violated and used and not even this icy water will take the edge off how I'm feeling.

The reality of what I've faced in the past few days have finally caught up to me as I sit on the floor of the shower and lean my head on the wall. I bring my legs to my chest and just sit there in silence. I don't cry, I wouldn't cry for something so pathetic. I've been through worse and it would seem almost disrespectful to him to cry over a scumbag like Josh. "This is nothing," I mutter to myself.

"What's nothing?" A far away voice asks. I look up, but no ones in the bath room with me and I begin to think that it must've been a voice in my head until someone knocks on the door. "Belle, are you okay?"

I turn off the shower and wrap a towel around me. I open up the door and Max stumbles backwards in surprise. I put on a fake smile, "yeah everything's good."

He frowns as he follows me into the kitchen, "are you sure?"

I nod and ensure my tone is light and carefree, "why?"

He shrugs and sits down on a wooden stool as I lean against the kitchen bench. "Do you know what's wrong with Mason?" He looks up hopefully but I shake my head.

"No, why? What happened?"

"He didn't come home last night and Jane's been worried about him. I thought maybe he'd be here."

I shake my head, "why'd you think that?" He gives me a knowing look and I meet his gaze. "Look Max," I begin but he cuts me off.

"No I get it, you choose him." His voice is almost accusing.

I sigh angrily, "what does it matter to you and Dan who I fuck?" He shrugs and looks away. "It's not like I get all pissy when you have sex."

He looks at me accusingly, "yeah but when I do it I don't destroy friendships." I open my mouth to reply but no words come. I can see anger and hurt in his sky blue eyes. "Of all the people you could of had a relationship with you choose Mason."

I shake my head, "no, I didn't."

"Don't lie Belle, I know you've slept with him."

"I've slept with a lot of people."

"Yeah Belle I already know that," his voice is cold.

"So has your friendships been ruined with Harrison, Ben, Josh, just to name a few."

He looks dumbfounded, "Harrison and Ben?"

I nod, "yeah but they didn't mean anything to me just like Anna and Zara didn't mean anything to you. They were just lays. And Mason was the same, I used him and he used me."

He looks up at me and I see regret in his eyes but it's soon over shadowed with confusion. "Wait, who's Josh."

I frown, did I say his name? When I don't answer Max stands up.

"Mason's cousin, the guy from the party who tried to fucking rape you?"

I cross my arms across my chest and look out into the forest. Vile builds up in the back of my throat just thinking about how stupid I was. I blink my eyes, I will not cry for him. "Yes, him"