Barely alive

The voices part 7

The voices come at any time in the day or at night. There are two voices. A good one and a bad one I haven't heard from the good one in a long time. But the bad voice is normally there. Always commenting on what I'm doing wrong and how stupid and pathetic I am. Sometimes I feel like the bad voice is touching me, on my shoulders, on my neck or on my back. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and no matter how many times I tell it to piss off or shut up it never works. I still grasp onto the hope that one day it will go away and my good voice would come back. I always loved my good voice, I feel like she was a girl and she was always so kind. Whenever I got hurt she was there helping me back up and telling me it was okay, everything would be fine. I imagined she had blonde curly hair and she was dressed casually, wearing a white blouse over a light purple top with dark blue jeans. But..one day she just left, I don't know where she went but then the bad voice came to me. He doesn't leave. Always sitting at the end of my bed laughing at me and loudly judging me. He normally comes when I'm stressed or scared. If I have to answer a question in class he's at the end of my desk laughing saying I can't do it and asking whether I'm going to cry or not. 

English next. Last lesson of the day I can do this, I like English I have a great teacher called Miss Bauxton. Hey Charlie you know that essay you gave in last week? I bet you got an F. Ugh. Wanna make a bet? Come on it'll be fun. If I just ignore it, it'll get bored and go away. That only works for bullies Charlie and I'm not a bullie I'm trying to help you. I highly doubt that. You know what would help? Putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger.

"How is Tom Robinson portrayed in this scene of to kill a mockingbird? Anyone want to answer this? Anyone? Charlie what about you?" My focus snapped back to attention as soon as I heard my name. Oh shit what did she say. I'm so screwed. Congratulations you've fucked up once again and there's no way out of it. 

"Okay I'll say it once again, how is Tom Robinson portrayed in this scene of to kill a mockingbird?" Just say I don't know and I don't fucking care. 

"I don't know sorry..." My heart rate was rising, my pulse was quickening, and I felt faint. 

"Okay that's fine Gail do you know" Inside my head my bad voice was laughing at me but, over masking the sound of laughter their was another voice, a voice I hadn't heard in a long time. It's okay Charlie, everything is going to be okay...