Barely alive

Disturbances part 21

Authors notes: Okay guys this chapter is incredibly graphic and is a massive trigger warning so you can skip this chapter if you want it won't really effect the rest of the story it's only a flashback.

TRIGGER WARNING

It was after the third time I threw up in the past few days. Everything had been slow. School was more painful. And I didn't seem to be losing any weight. It wasn't too late but everyone was out of the house. Mum and Dad were at a course and Julie was at her boyfriends house. It was 8 pm and the sky were now a cloudy smoke colour with hints of glimmering stars. Thinking was dangerous especially in the evenings when your alone in the world and there's no one to talk to. Quickly I opened up my laptop and logged onto Facebook to see if that would cheer me up. But the post i saw defiantly didn't cheer me up. It was a post, posted by Laura basically saying about how Cassie and Gail were her best friends and like her sisters and also, how her boyfriend meant everything to her. I didn't get mentioned at all. Ouch. I know it probably sounds stupid to you but but that really hurt more than anything. I flipped over the computer screen and went back to laying on my bed and thinking. Thinking of a memory I had a long long time ago...

*4 years ago*

It wasn't anything unusual. We were sitting on the sofa alone in the same spot as always. Always on the right. My parents and siblings were out. I don't know where. I can't remember. Where were they? I was wearing jeans that had an incredibly tight belt so it would be more difficult for him to do anything. I gotta say as a kid I could be pretty intelligent. Yeah really intelligent that's why you let it happen. I wasn't smart enough though he just undid my belt and I said nothing about it. His wrinkled greasy hands went into my trousers and then into my underwear. We were watching TV while he was doing it. I felt uncomfortable. I wanted him to stop. But it wasn't like I was scared. I didn't understand. I thought it was normal. He started to forcefully go deeper into me. And that's when it happened. 

Shakily, he reached over and grabbed my hand and he placed it on his trousers. But I knew exactly what was directly underneath his trousers...

I tried to pull my hand away I didn't want this. It felt horrible. It was soft and his grip on my hand was too tight. He was hurting me. But he wouldn't let go. This was the first time I ever 'rebelled' against him. And it didn't work. After about 20 minutes of him doing this and making me want to cry he stopped.But he only stopped so we could do something else.

"Hey I've got something to show you in my bedroom." He drawled in his husky Canadian accent. Only being a child I thought it'd be something fun to do. But I was so wrong.

He edged me into the office that my parents had converted into a bedroom for him and he shut the door urgently and quickly. 

"Sit down on the bed Charlie."

I obliged as I was only a child who was I too question an adult? He started to undo his belt slowly and then he moved onto his zip. To this very day I hate the noise of a zipper being undone. I hate in school when everyone's opening their pencil cases. He popped his buttons out and then he started to take his chinos down so that they sat around his ankles. Then....then...he took of his underwear. I looked away quickly in embarrassment.

"It's alright to look you know."

But was it? It didn't feel like it was. Dad never did this with me so why could great uncles?

"Have you ever seen one of these Charlie?"

"No" My raspy 7 year old voice said still looking away.

"Look at it Charlie."

Begrudgingly, I looked over for a second then looked back as quickly as I could.

"Have you ever touched one of these at school? Have you touched your male friends ones?"

"No" I said again in a raspy scared voice now. I had never been scared until this moment.

"Don't lie I bet you have."

Why wouldn't he believe me? I would never do that.

"Do you want to touch mine?"

No. No. No. No. I couldn't even speak this time I just closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Oh come one I'll touch you again if you touch me."

No. NO. NO. NO. 

"Good girls would do it."

NO. NO. NO. NO.

*Memory over*

That's all I can remember. My brain repressed the rest. I can't remember if I did and if I did what happened after that? All I know is that those flowery bed sheets I sat on, if I see them now I want to throw up. And this is one of the worst memory's I've ever had. So far...