The sound of the clanging metals on the upper left corner of the bed made my eyes shut wide open only to be welcomed by the blinding light on the ceiling.
"Be ready for your counseling session with Dr. Kim." Nurse Min stated nonchalantly while pulling me up.
"Let me remind you to behave, I don't care how you do it but if I see you doing any sort of foolishness you know what to expect next." He added.
I kept my mouth shut.
I was tired and drained. I wanted to fight back but I just couldn't, not because of fear but for the reason that I don't have energy left to put up a brave façade. The sedatives injected to me still lingered in my bloodstreams which made me feel nauseous.
Without much word, Nurse Min was able to lift me up away from the bed and move my limp body onto the wheelchair. He led me once again through the corridor straight to Dr. Kim Seokjin's office. With an abrupt halt, he stopped pushing the wheelchair in front of the wooden doorframe, twisted its knob and opened it carefully.
The devil behind angel's façade, my silent thought upon seeing the doctor in his white robe, smiling as if he just reached his nirvana.
He beamed, 'you seem calmer now.'
I scoffed, of course after being injected with huge dose of sedatives who wouldn't?
"What do you want?" I tried to state while hiding my anger.
"Let's talk, I want you to confide to me not because you're my patient and I'm your doctor. Let's act like we're more than that— act like friends." Dr. Kim flashed a flirtatious smile.
He was hatefully beautiful and I was taken aback for a moment. I tried to regain my composure immediately, reminding myself that devils were made beautiful in order to deceive.
"Oh really? Just yesterday you're totally convinced that I'm crazy and now you wanted me to confide and act like friends with you? Why bother?" I bit back whilst I build my defense mechanism before he can even penetrate inside my emotions.
"Can't I be friends with my crazy patients? It's part of my job and I'm used to that." Dr. Kim shifted his position and clasped his hands together before he placed his chin on top of those.
"Why do you want to die?" He suddenly asked with serious intent yet his face was calmer and softer than usual.
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I was caught off guard. It could've been easier if my reasons for choosing to die were because it was already hard to live and that life had thrown loads of shits at me and I just couldn't handle it all. But to no avail it wasn't— because simply saying that I got bored with my life's daily routine only validates that I was indeed crazy.
"I don't know," I answered.
"Well let me guess, was it just a product of boredom from breathing? Because if that's the case, then there's no denying to the fact that you're indeed insane." He smiled cockily.
I balled my fist, knuckles turned white. He was hitting on the right spots and I was just too helpless to make any rebuts, knowing that he was already ahead of me.
"I AM NOT INSANE!" I yelled, mustering all the remaining energy inside my body.
"Am I wrong for fearing oblivion? Am I wrong to avoid the never ending cycle of life? Is it bad to escape this life? A life that is too good for me but still I can't make change for others? Because after all, this world neither will become better nor worst without me."
I was able to yell out my frustrations, out of breath and gasping for air.
He smiled widely as if he won in lottery and within a snap I've come to realize that the defense I've built was nowhere to be found and that he was able to demolish it completely.
"Will you still choose to take your life away if perhaps I release you here?" Dr. Kim asked with calculative gaze, his attention focused into the details of my movement and ragged breathing.
Dying? Am I capable of doing it again? Am I brave enough to choose death again? I questioned myself.
"If I say I won't, will you let me out?" I stared at him with passive gaze. Two could play the game he wanted to play.
"I'd love to but sad to say that won't be possible," he blankly stated.
I knew it! He was just trying to corner me with my emotions. The typical doctor he is who was just trying to squeeze out some information from me.
A twisted smile crept out from my lips that moment, just like a complete lunatic my anger and frustrations were channeled through my screams.
"Then YES!" I screamed out from my lungs.
"I'd rather die again if I get the chance! Yes, I don't regret a single thing about the decision I've made because I'd rather rot in hell than seeing your face every day in this hell hole." I yelled and laughed in hysterical manner.
"Well I guess you just got your wish," He stated before inserting his hands inside his robe's pocket.
"Congratulations," He leaned closer just enough for me to clearly see his features. I stopped laughing and looked at him confused. He was staring intently that it was scaring me.
