SHE CHOSE DEATH | Jimin ✔

twenty two

Jimin's

Existence? Does it truly matter? I guess for me it doesn't.

When you can't seem to reach the standard the society had set does it still matter if you exist?

When your parents in which you thought would understand you more than anyone else were the very first individuals to despise and spit you out, wouldn't it put your existence into vain?

That was when I decided to live as if I'm nowhere existing, away from the mocking stares and judging world.

For a long time of dwelling into the void of pitch black darkness silence was my companion. Emptiness loomed beside me yet I've never felt as peaceful as before. The dark and silent hallway of the asylum became my refuge for the two long years of eerie.

"The way you live your life, are you contented?" His voice echoed inside my head after almost a year since he last appeared in my mind.

"H-hyung? Why haven't you visited me for a long time?" My hands trembled as I try to formulate words.

"Why would I even visit you Jimin? You've been cured from your illness. I should be the one asking question, why are you calling me still? You're already fine you need to stop before your illness eats you up again."

"N-no! no! hyung don't abandon me you're the only person I have." I pleaded.

"How could when I'm DEAD?"

My head suddenly throbbed in pain, a series of needle prick seemed to struck my scalp as I tightly grabbed every strand of my hair in despair.

I'M DEAD

I'M DEAD

His voice echoed and the pain subsequently doubled up.

"No! Stop! Stop! Just stop Hoseok please enough." I cried out. "How could you do this to me? I just want you to understand me, be there and never leave. How could you die as easy as that? How could you just leave me right now? I just need someone to accompany me in this misery."

"I can't Jimin," Hoseok's voice became painfully soft and soothing. "I am dead and you are alive if only I could correct the mistake I had made I would but I couldn't. Taking my life away was the only sin I couldn't live to repent and I wouldn't want you to waste your life dwelling over my death. My life was already wasted don't waste yours."

"H-hyung d-don't! I have nothing to hold on just take me with you," My tears were already flooding down as I try to beg him.

"Even if I can I won't Jimin, a brighter future is waiting for you. You just have to get out from this darkness, this is the last time that you'll hear me. You're already cured all you need to do is to be strong."

His voice faded followed by my blurring vision and then everything went black.

———

I woke up curled on top of the cold floor whilst my head throbbed in pain. I brought myself up and sat on my bed. Hoseok's words lingered in my head loud and clear, I guess he also abandoned me.

If you can't stay with me then I'll follow you.

I lifelessly dragged my feet onto the hallway and abruptly halted my steps in front of a closet where the brooms were stack. My vision scanned for the most important thing that held my life together in that moment— a rope.

Upon acquiring the object without hesitation and thinking twice I hastily moved back towards the living room looking for the right place as for the rope to be attached. As I walked in the lobby aimlessly I couldn't help to notice how beautiful the illumination of the moon was.

Despite all the lights being turned off the moon itself had provided sufficient light to guide my way. It was then I had realized that I was indeed in the right place to hang myself. Dying in such beautiful setting would be perfect.

But that perfect moment suddenly came to halt when a woman which held the curtains sideways while she gazed at the moon intently, came to my vision.

"People don't notice your beauty because every time you appear they're drifting into sleep. I hope I could also be like you who shine brightly in this darkness." She mumbled followed by her tears suddenly falling from her eyes.

I flinched when she suddenly fell and kneeled down the floor, her sobs filled the silent night. In that moment it was like I've been sucked in a time travel in which the scene of dying Hoseok, crying Jungkook and desperate pleading of Jin came before my eyes. It was then I had seen my own self in her--- weak and hopeless.

"I'm going to die. Why should I go through all of this?" she sobbed and caught her breath before she continued. "Can't I just peacefully die without being scared?"

Upon hearing her words my heart ached. It was as if I am looking in my old self battling against the odds all alone, drowning on my own self-pity with no one to hold onto.

It seems that my body grew its own mind that without second thoughts I dropped the rope and walked near and hugged her tightly. I know how it felt like being trapped in darkness all alone with no one to lean on— I know that, I've been through that and it felt like hell.

The time she looked up and my gaze fixed into hers it was the least that I had expected but I didn't know that I'd find another reason to stay away from darkness and move out into light.

———

It seems not too long ago that Jam and I were still sneaking out every night inside the asylum to meet up. Who could've thought that tonight we'll end up kissing inside a club.

I never had the confidence to truly say what I felt towards her but this night was different, the confidence that the alcohol had vested inside my veins was overflowing to the extent of mustering the courage to kiss her.

"I changed my mind," I looked at her longingly. "I'll kiss you instead because I think I'm going crazy. Will you kiss no one else but me?"

I expected her to look at me wearing a confused expression written all over her facade but she didn't. She was smiling, her dimples showed at its deepest and her eyes glowed. I took it as a cue that maybe I could push through and use the remnants of confidence lingering within me.

"I-i l-like you, Jam I love you." I confessed through my teeth as my latch onto her went tighter.

Her eyes that once glowed became dark and her beautiful smile turned into a frown.

"J-jimin you can't, you know you can't!" she exclaimed and forcefully pushed me away.

With that she went out running without turning back and I was left inside feeling lost and abandoned once again.

_______
a|n : we're almost at the finish line ::))