The Screwed Up Club *UNDER CONSTRUCTION*

Putting On The Big Girl Panties

I'm back!!! Sorry I kind of disappeared for a while, but school has been utterly insane! But I'm ready to get back on it, so be prepared!

It had been a week since Blue stormed out of my door, and out of my life. He hadn't spoken to me once since then, and I hadn't even caught him looking at me once. Bu that certainly didn't stop him from looking at every other girl in school. 

These past two days alone I had seen him making out with three different girls in the cafeteria. Carson seemed totally fine with ignoring Blue's very existence. 

I, myself, couldn't do it. It's like I look for him wherever I am, and it's driving me insane. I sigh, and doodle in my notebook during English. Once the bell rings, I shuffle out of class, not really paying attention to where I'm going. 

"Geez, now all you need is to drag your leg and moan 'brains' every once and a while and you've got the zombie thing down pat," someone says beside me. I quick look to my right tells me it's Ebony who just spoke to me. 

I grunt in response, causing her to stop and raise an eyebrow. I stop too, and reluctantly turn to look at her. 

"You and Blue need to kiss and make up already. I mean, first him, and now you? It's ridiculous," she says, her voice exasperated. I perk up instantly at her words.

"What do you mean, 'first Blue'? What's going on with him?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant. 

And utterly failing. She shoots me a look before responding. 

"You really are out of it, aren't you? He's been picking fights with anyone who even looks at him wrong." 

Okay, now I'm really listening. 

"But then how does he not have any bruises or anything?" I ask frantically. 

"Because none of the other guys could get in a punch. It's like he's possessed or something. Luckily, it's been off school grounds so he can't be expelled. Because if it were, trust me, he would be."

A very twisted part of me felt glad that he actually was affected by me, but a larger part of me felt sick to my stomach. God, it's just like him to make me have to worry like this. 

If he didn't get himself killed, I was totally gonna have the honor of ending him myself. 

"Want my advice? I think you like Blue. A lot. Now, maybe you should just be friends as of right now. Because honestly, I don't think Blue or Carson could handle anything else. But you also can't completely cut Blue out of your life because Carson says to. So I think you should have a talk with Carson, and get on better terms with Blue before things get worse," Ebony says, squeezing my arm in assurance before walking away. 

I hated what she said. And that's mostly because I know she's right. 

I have a crush on Blue Jones, and running away isn't going to change that. 

"Time to get my big girl panties on," I mumble, before heading to the cafeteria in search of Carson. 

I had to talk to him first.

By the time I've found him, I'm panting. I sit down across from him and steal his water bottle, chugging it all. 

"Why do you look like you've just ran a marathon?" He asks me, eyes light with amusement. 

"Because... I may have ran all the way here. Look, I've got to talk to you Carson," I tell him after I've caught my breath. He nods for me to continue, so I clench my fists and begin to speak again.

"I need you to be okay with Blue and I being friends... Because I want him to be my friend. Nothing more, for now. But I can't lose you either, alright? As my friend I need you to support me, no matter how much you dislike him. I need you, Car. But I need him too. And believe it or not, I think he needs me too." 

Carson's smile falls, and his brow furrows. 

"I guess I don't have a choice, Ren," he mumbles, and I smile gratefully. 

"But I can't be your friend if he's in your life. I just... can't. Not now," he continues, and for a moment my heart stops breathing. 

He couldn't really be doing this. There's no way that Carson, the guy who knows me almost better than anyone else, is doing this. He stands, grabbing his things, and walks away. And all I can do is watch. 

The hurt soon transformed into anger as I sat there, glued to my seat. How could he make me choose? How dare he put stipulations on our friendship. It wasn't fair. 

My phone began to ring in my pocket, pulling me out of my thoughts. I take out the phone and answer with a monotone "hello". 

Mom speaks in rushed sentences, her voice hysterical. And when her words finally register, my whole world is shaken. 

I hang up with shaky hands, and stuff my phone in my pocket before getting up from the table. 

I've got to find Carson- no, he's made his choice. So who could I go to?

Instantly, Blue enters my mind. And I know exactly where he'd be. I exit the cafeteria and head to the vending machines. There he was, kissing some senior girl. But I couldn't find it in me to be bothered. Not now. I tap on his shoulder, and wait until he comes up for air and turns towards me. 

"What do you want, Maren?" he hisses, disdain clear in his tone. 

"I.. I just... I need you to-" I begin, but he cuts me off. 

"God, could you just leave me alone? I really have no use for a prude like you. Really, all I wanted to do was get in your pants anyways," he snaps, and I freeze. 

Was I going to make it through this day in one piece? I wasn't so sure; everyone seemed to be breaking a little piece of my heart. And despite my need to not show him how much his words cut me, I began to cry. His face began to soften, and I closed my eyes tight. 

I wanted to let him hold me, to get me out of here. I almost let him. 

But he wasn't there for you when you needed him the most, a voice inside my head whispers. And without another thought, I run. 

If I don't get out of this building right now, I'm going to suffocate. I burst through the doors, sobs shaking me, and call Gio. 

"Ren, what's wrong? Are you crying?" he asks, urgent. 

"Gio, I need you to come pick me up. I've got to get to the hospital," I manage to say through the tears. 

"What? Why? What happened?" 

"Micah overdosed, and they don't think he's going to make it." 

***

Wow. Okay. So bomb dropped. Great way to start back, huh? 

Gosh that felt good. I've totally missed you guys. 

ANYWAYS, comment what you think, vote if you like it, and share! Oh, and there's a difference between liking the story and despising me for hurting my babies, just so we're clear;)