That Ballah Love: Down For My Ballah

Chapter 57

I'm tired so I'm not about to edit this chap with my lazy ass but enjoy lol!!

There's no love like the first. -- Nicholas Sparks

A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man. -- Charles Dickens

The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it... -- Nicholas Sparks

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with. -- Gillian Anderson

"I was torn. Torn between two men. Two men alike but so different. Two men who both showed me what love was. Two men who showed me what the proper way to love looked like."

Cash P.O.V

"Are you fucking kidding me!" I pushed Gucci away from me breathing hard. "Why? Why would you do some shit like that?" I asked him as the tears formed in my eyes.

"I fucking love you. I'm tired of acting like I don't. I'm tired of acting like I'm okay, im tired of you acting like your okay with this. I know you miss me as much as I fucking miss you. I fucked up. I know I fucked up, baby. I admit that. I'm fucking sorry, I learned my lesson, I payed for my mistakes. I've been trying to change for you, for our family" Gucci says grabbing me by my face forcing me to look at him. I tried to pull away from him but he held me there.

"Stop. Please" I begged him.

"Stop what? Saying what the fuck you're really feeling? It's been me and for how long? You talk about all the bad but talk about the good shit. Remember the good times. I was there Cash. When you were walking down the street hurt and abused, I held you and listen to you cry. Those games, I was there, when u needed something, baby I was there. I fucked up a lot but I did a lot of good shit to and you know this. You know I love you" He tells me.

"You need to go" I tell him finally prying myself away from him. I snatched my body away from his and headed out of the kitchen and to my room closing the door and locking it. I sat on my bed and broke down crying.

No one could ever understand Gucci and I. He was my first love. He was the one who picked me up and as a teenager showed me what love was. But he was always the one who broke every ounce of trust and my body and showed me what love wasn't. What I shouldn't deal with and how bad someone can hurt you after building you up.

I love that man. Everyone could see that. To this day, after everything. The lies, the Cheating, the kidnapping, the murdering, all of that. I loved him. But every time I tried to forgive him, I think of all the promises he broke out and the way he hurt me.

"Cash open the door" Scooby knocked. "Can I talk to you" he asked.

"I'm busy"/

" cash, open this damn door before I break it down. I was trying to be nice and ask but if you don't open this damn door I'm a hurt you" He tells me. I wiped my tears and got up opening the door before his short bus riding ass broke it. "Thank you"

"What, Scooby? I'm not in the mood. I need some time alone"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay" He tells me sitting down looking at me. "I saw you storm back here"

"He kissed me. He kissed me and I let him" I mumbled looking down at the ground.

"And your crying? Your crying because your a grown ass woman who kissed the daddy of her bad ass kids and seventy five step kids" He asked me.