insomniac || j.d.

journal entry

entry #27 in: talkative jim

"when i say the word love, what is the first thing that comes to mind? rowan?"

it was her voice that made my head shift upwards. my nails no longer held my attention. now it was bethany with her sweet yet sickly green words.

sure she meant well, she was just annoying. with her thin gold hair and pale brown eyes. her small pink lips pulled into a straight line as she awaited my answer. a subtle cough sounded from my right as death adjusted herself in her seat.

right. i had to answer the questions asked to me.

"rain."

bethany's eyebrows raised in surprise at the sound of my voice. her pen hit the clipboard frantically like she had just made a new discovery. a joking scoff was heard from next to me, belonging to none other than death. i really needed to figure out her name.

"rain. what do you mean by that?" bethany continued, prying as much as she thought she could from me.

my straightened shoulders turned to face the aggravated girl to my side. she appeared the same as yesterday. jet black hair was slicked behind her ears, eyes dark, but this time her lips lacked a cigarette. a cloud metaphorically loomed over her head and threatened to spill it's contents all over her perfectly pin-straight hair.

"rain." i started, eying her intensely.

"everyone thinks they hate it. in fact, they're afraid of it. they're afraid of the storm it brings along with it. but the rain arrives no matter how much you fear it. and instead of cowering inside your home, you realize rain isn't such a bad thing. it falls lightly over your outspread hands like a gift. you smile into the gray sky and thank whoever it is up there for rain. it seeps into the ground and brings life to the dead. the once yellowing grass is now green and you wonder how you were ever afraid of the natural occurrence. it's beautiful. with the help of rain, you now have a brighter outlook on life."

i inhale sharply and turn from the now shocked death. i'm met with the same expression from bethany, her jaw slack. i went back to messing with my nails, gazing intently at each one before entwining my own fingers and setting them neatly in my lap. a few other people sit around the room with mental/physical issues of their own. their eyes focus on me and suddenly i feel very insecure. the oversized sweatshirt that hangs off my body proves to be no help to cover the bags under my eyes.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tilted my head back. imagining that somehow I wasn't the center of all the attention.

"this is a talk group you know, you're supposed to talk." my hypocritical words stung as they left my lips.

bethany stammered before continuing, asking another question to someone else in the room.

"she speaks." death snickered malevolently.

"of course i speak. my mind never stops running." i whispered, my tone dripping with truth.

my eyes were still shut and my head still rested backwards. only four more minutes and i could find myself in an hour of piano.

october 5th, 2009
11:56 am
-Ro