insomniac || j.d.

josh

she slept like an angel on fire. she glowed white while her cheeks burned red. her hair was scattered about on her pillow again and it shined golden. she was such a beautiful soul. I felt damaged and cold on the inside, like the complete opposite of how I saw her.

her hands were so cold but her presence was so warm. the bags under her eyes ran blue, but on the rare occasion when she smiled it was a soft orange. I wasn't supposed to like her like my heart and mind liked her.

So with my head on the backboard of my bed, I thought of her. No one could peer into my mind the way I could. They didn't have to know that I loved the way she smelled like honey and that the feel of her tasted like sugar. They didn't have to know that I loved the sound of her candy floss voice and the feel of her soft skin. They didn't have to know that the one night I picked her up off of the bathroom floor and held her, I didn't want to let go.

In the most innocent way possible, I wanted a look into her mind. Maybe we could leave again tonight, maybe I could stay here, instead of talking to Tyler, maybe she could help me as much as I want to help her.

My thoughts were of her even as I finally drifted off, and even then she didn't leave my mind. Her face appeared in my dreams. Her scent, her voice, the way she walked, all of her mannerisms floated through my asleep brain. When I awoke, it was lunch time, and she was gone.

I dragged my tired body from our room and into the cafeteria. There she was, as always, same spot. A dark haired girl sat in front of her and they were speaking to each other. I felt like my spot was already taken until her eyes met mine. You wouldn't believe me when I told you I saw a smirk. She looked at me and the corners of her lips turned upwards and I saw that same sweet orange that I didn't know I loved. I nodded in her direction and turned before she saw the same smile curve my facial features.

Lunch was a mystery and so was Rowan's mind as I sat at the table next to the two girls. Rowan looked at her lap when the dark-haired girl introduced herself. She smelt of cigarettes and fresh earth. I anxiously rubbed my tattoo and made weak conversation. They mostly talked of a talk group lady named Bethany and how apparently she was the equivalent of talking stick with lipgloss. I was too busy trying to read the words falling from Rowan's lips.

I was swallowing every word like I needed it to survive until Dr. Jones came in and took her away from me.