insomniac || j.d.

josh

The grass was a surprise to me as I felt my mind clear. it was dark outside, so dark. It was difficult for me to see my hands when I stuck them out in front of me.

I glanced to my left and saw the shadows of her body. Her head was slumped over and she looked lifeless. An instinct pushed inside of me and panic boiled in my throat. My fingers flew to her neck to feel for her pulse, and after a few readjustments, I felt it. It was weak and low, usual for someone who is sleeping. I pulled my fingers away from her neck and instantly missed the softness of her skin on my fingertips. The feeling of her left a sweet taste on my tongue. Kissing her had to be like eating sugar cubes.

I didn't want to kiss her.

So instead I decided it had been enough time outside for the both of us and I slipped my arms underneath her body. She was just as light as the last time I held her, if not lighter. This worried me and I made a mental note to sit at lunch with her tomorrow, or today depending on what time it was. A guard's flashlight caught my eye and I slinked behind a large pine in order to hide. The flashlight danced through the dark black ink of the night and continued on it's way. I took a deep breath I didn't know I was holding and held Rowan tighter in my arms. She was still sound asleep.

Her cap threatened to slip off of her head so I removed it and placed it in my pocket for safe keeping. She liked the yankees?

We made it to the window and I quickly moved the bar and placed her gently on the ground while I climbed in after. everything was quiet when I stepped into the room. I felt like I needed to still myself and enjoy the silence, but I resisted and placed Rowan in her bed. The clock by our beds read 4:07 am. I propped myself up on my bed and tuned my ears to listen to Rowan's breathing. She was alive and now she was safe in her bed. My arms could never hold the safe haven she deserved.