insomniac || j.d.

josh

These last few days have been silent and colorless. I haven't heard from or seen anything to do with Rowan. The night she was taken away was the night the handymen came and fixed the bar on the window.

Her presence still haunts me, but instead of her colorful aura, I see gray. They've started sending me to therapy and I don't understand why. Being an intern feels just like being a patient. I miss lunch with Tyler, and more than anything, I miss Tyler.

Dr. Jones escorted me to therapy today. He said it will help me if I let it help me. I guess I just don't understand what he's trying to fix.

It wasn't like those therapy offices you see on the movies, the chairs were olive green hidden behind a dusty gray. The walls were sad and empty.

"Joshua Dun, it's a pleasure to meet you." My name sounded sour coming from her pencil thin lips.

"Yeah." I replied solemnly.

This room made me sad. I pictured Tyler sitting right where I was now, running his fingers over his wrist. It was something he did a lot. I could see his fuzzy brown hair sticking this way and that, because he didn't seem to care what he looked like in the institution. I saw all these things, and then I saw Tyler.

We were back in his bedroom again and Tyler's head was in my lap. He was counting the fake glow in the dark stars that lined his bedroom ceiling. After twelve he stopped counting and let his eyes roam my face.

"Ya know Josh, you make this world not seem so ... big and bad."

It was dark outside except for the occasional flash of headlights. His voice echoed throughout my brain as I ran my fingers through his silky brown mess of hair. I didn't respond, letting his words hang in the air. He didn't seem to mind as he went back to counting the stars.

The pill bottle was sitting on his nightstand and it was full. Everytime I visited Tyler like this, there was always a sickening alone feeling. A sad feeling that floated around Tyler, but instead, as he lay in my lap, he seemed better.

"I love you Ty." I said with ease, tracing my fingers along his skin.

"Ya I love you too, Jish." Tyler looked up again at me and smiled, it was beyond beautiful.

I would never be able to wipe that smile out of my head.

"So where is she?" He said suddenly.

"Where is who?"

"Where is Rowan, Josh." He stated firmly, moving from his position to sit up in front of me.

"I-um I'm not sure. No one will tell me."

"So you figure it out, right? What happened when I got lost?" Tyler asked, already knowing the answer.

"I found you."