insomniac || j.d.

journal entry

entry #32 in: dazed jim

life shifted while i was asleep. not much, but a noticeable difference. for me at least. i dont speak for everyone, but even death seemed to be in a better mood, and that has to mean something.

josh didn't talk to me when we woke this morning for breakfast. i shouldn't have expected him to. he shuffled outside of our door and into the cafeteria without a drop of emotion in his eyes. maybe i shouldn't of brought him with me last night, then again i don't remember having a choice.

my thoughts consumed me as i sat alone at my table, having an intense staring contest with the toast. my stomach was gargling stomach acid at this point, so when i bit into the toast i stifled my gag. it wasn't as difficult to get it down this time. i searched my mind for a reason why.

while i was doing so, death took it upon herself to make my table her own. my brain understands that her name is vivian, i prefer death.

"morning." she sighed, sticking her plastic spoon into what i assumed was oatmeal.

i nodded in her direction and choked down the second piece of toast. i had a little plastic yogurt sitting next to my plate but the smell of it was making my insides turn.

"ya know what you said in group talk that one time was cool. rain and stuff, i could see it."

i paused and switched my gaze from my lap to her eyes. stone cold brown, almost black.

"thanks." i muttered

"i think you're really weird." she blurted

i raised my eyebrow up and continued to look at her.

"not in a bad way i mean everyone here is weird in a bad way, but um good weird? i just feel like you would be a person i would want to get to know while we're stuck here." she messed with her oatmeal a bit before her fire returned.

"so now you choose not to talk?" she hmphed and prodded at the sticky breakfast.

"thanks?" i mumbled in confusion, i mean what was i to say?

"yeah whatever."

"so what's with your roommate?" she continued.

a piece of me settled, and it was easier to swallow my bite of toast.

"josh." i spoke.

death gave me a puzzled look like she was waiting for me to continue.

"he's here for me and he's here for himself. i don't really think he knows he's here for himself yet... or for me entirely." i mumbled.

"spacey?" she assumed.

my throat tightened and i felt my jaw clench slightly.

"aren't we all?" i breathed

october 22nd, 2009
8:37am
-ro