What If's

CHAPTER 1

Her POV

Medyo madilim na ang paligid at lumalamig na rin ang simoy ng hangin. I sighed again for the nth time as I sat quietly on this cold bench.

Napatingin ako sa cellphone ko kung may message ba siya pero wala.

"Nasaan na ba yun? Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito ah! Impossible namang ma-traffic yun eh taga kabilang subdivision lang naman siya."  Pagkausap ko sa sarili ko.

I looked around to see if there's any sign of his arrival-- but there's none.

"Nyetta naman! Sa anong planeta ka ba napadpad? Nilalamok na ako rito."

I tried calling his cell pero ring lang nang ring, I swear hahambalusin ko siya pag dating niya rito.

Naghintay pa ako nang ilang minuto, " 'Di na talaga yun darating." Akmang aalis na ako sa stone bench na inuupuan ko nang may nakita akong bulto ng lalaki papalapit sa direksyon ko.

Kinabahan ako bigla, I clutched my bag closer to my chest on instict. Nagsimula na akong magbilang 1...2...ta--

"Alexandra." I stopped on my attempt with eyes still closed.

"Sorry Im late. I--"

"No! Tumahimik ka! Ako muna ang magsasalita," I inhaled deeply. "Alam mo ba na kanina pa akong alas tres dito? Ilang mango shake na naubos ko at nakailang balik na rin ako sa comfort room pero wala ka pa rin. Ang usapan natin 4 pm, pero quarter to seven na po ngayon," I said in pure sarcasm. "Alam mo ba na masamang paghintayin ang mga babae? Lalo na paggutom! Saan ka ba galing? Don't tell me lowbatt ka kaya 'di mo nasagot yung tawag ko, ano--"

"I'm breaking up with you."

Wait--what? Unti-unting nalusaw yung galit ko kanina nang dahil sa sinabi niya. "Anong sabi mo? 'Di ko narini--"

"Itigil na natin to Alexandra." 

Naguguluhan akong napatingin sa kanya, I still can't believe what he just said. 

I scanned our surroundings, baka kasi may cameraman siyang kasama at prank lang pala ang lahat ng ito. I was disappointed to see no one-- kami lang. And then it dawned into me, he's everything but a joker is not one of them.

Napatungo ako, I wasn't crying because I still can't comprehend the situation, this is an ambush!

"Why?" Was all I could muster. Sa dami ng tanong na nabubuo sa utak ko yung lang nakayanan ng bibig ko.

"I'm tired of this," he said. Ha? Saan? Late nga siya lage pero siya pa may ganang magsabi ng pagod na siya, Aba!

"Ang kapal mo naman," I said.

" 'Yan! That attitude of yours is exhausting. You nagging all the time at yung fact na dapat ikaw palagi ang nasusunod. I'm sick of it! It's sickening to be with you."

My mouth hung open. I was about to say something to him when-- (pak). Bago paman ako makapagsalita, nauna na yung kamay kong maglanding sa pagmumukha niya.

I admit it, masakit, hindi yung pagsampal ko sa kanya pero dahil dun sa sinabi niya. That was below the belt. All this time 'yun pala yung nararamdaman niya, and yet he chose to let it all out in one blow.

Before I noticed, my tears were already falling. 

"Why now? Bakit mo pa pinatagal?" I tried so hard to stiffle my cry.

"I found someone else." Napatingin ako sa kanya ng dahil sa mga salitang binitawan niya. He's eyes were so cold and void of any emotions.

"Speed." Was all I could say.

"Let's end this here Alexandra. Make your mother happy."

I chuckled at what he said, oo ayaw ni mommy sa kanya. In fact our relationship wasn't blessed by my family and his doesn't give a damn. 

"I've been a bad daughter just to become a good girlfriend to you, I hope you know that." 

I gathered all the strength that was left in my system and slowly walked past him until I was a few feet from where he was standing.

"I won't beg. I know my worth and if you don't see that then I won't force you." I swallowed an invisible lump on my throat. "Minahal kita-- no, Mahal Kita. Mahal na mahal to the point that I'll give you everything that you'd ask for. And if me letting you go would make you happy then--" I looked at his direction, I am now facing his back. Tears falling non-stop and heart falling into pieces. "I'm setting you free." My sobs were audible around the quiet park.

 "Be happy my love."

As the words left my mouth, the tears I've been trying to control gushed down my face.

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad palayo mula sa lugar na iyon, sa lugar kung saan naging parte ng masasayang alaala ko kasama siya at ang luagr na naging saksi kung gaano ako nawasak ng dahil din sa kanya.

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"Hoy Alex! Nakikinig kaba?" Pasigaw na sabi ni Aya.

"Ha? May sinasabi ka?" I asked, she looked at me like she's gonna kill me any minute, she heaved a sigh and yelled.

"Are you serious! Kanina pa ako talak ng talak dito tapos 'di ka pala nakikinig?" Sigaw niya na parang isang nanay na pinapagalitan ang anak.

"Sorry naman, may naalala lang."

She stared at me for a while and said, " Alex naman that was 5 damn years ago, kalimutan mo na siya."

"I know, it's just that..."

"Just what? You're making it hard for yourself. Mag move-on kana please. Let it go." She's really mean.

"Let it go? Ano to Frozen?" Horror and disgust flashed into her face.

"Hindi nakakatawa, maganda ka but being a joker makes you ugly," panglalait niya pa.

Inirapan ko na lang siya, pero she's got a point there. Bakit ko pa ba iniisip ang pangyayaring yun eh bumitaw na naman siya, matagal na. 

 At this point,  thinking about him only make things harder for me.

"Pero alam mo Aya tama ka eh, I have to let go. Ako narin naman kasi ang nagsabi sa kanya na pinapalaya ko na siya tapos nag-eemote ako dito," sabi ko that earned a giggle from her. 

I need to move on with my life, I need to do this for myself.

Pero saan ko sisimulan?

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