Always Yours: Words I Never Said

Chapter 7: Nothing Changes

[A/N: Song- Blue by Troye Sivan. Reason: Because it just fits.] 

Kendall 

I looked out of the window from my room, about five days after my fight with Kevin. I sighed and watched my warm breath coat the cold window. I rubbed it off with my finger and started at a little stain on the glass. I wanted out. I wanted to get out of my room, my house, my city, my country. I wanted to just leave all of that behind for a while, and I wanted to breathe a different air.

I licked my cracked lips, feeling them burn up and deciding not to use chap stick for as long as I could put it off, and grabbed my laptop. I scrolled through my Twitter and saw some of my fans complaining about the cancellation of the shows in Europe. I felt another pang of guilt. Then I thought, Europe? 

It seemed like the perfect opportunity so be with them, and get away from here.
And, the only thing that sounded good at that moment.  

But Kim?

The thought of her made my stomach churn up with acid. I pushed my laptop away. In through the nose, out through the mouth, I told myself. Slower, I told myself.

Kimberly.

Would she cheat on me? Did I know her well enough to know that? Had she changed that much in eight years? Well, yeah, eight years are a long time, but- I never could have thought that she would do something like that. And...did I even believe that she did something like that? I had always loved Kim, since tenth grade, and nothing of whatever happened seemed to add up to her. But then again, we had been away from each other, and eight years are enough to change a person. More than enough.

But I never really stopped. First love, right? It does that to you. You can never stop thinking about them. But I never thought my first love would ever end like that. It was unfair, and it irritated me that it did. But even so, I couldn't stop thinking about her as much as I wanted to. She was too important to me. So important that you didn't go to see her in the hospital. 

I will admit to that. I am a fucked up piece of worthless self-centered shit who says he loves a girl and then doesn't bother when he hears that she...what? What did she do? I didn't even know, I suddenly realized. I didn't even know what made her end up in such a serious state.

But in my defense, I was hurt. I was hurt too bad, and maybe she was too, but she was the reason for my pain. Maybe I have a bad habit of jumping to conclusions, but so many photos and gooey shit, how could anyone not believe it?

I needed to catch a flight that would just take me miles away from my life. I needed a new path. I needed to see new people. I needed to see different worlds, different cultures; find a path, and navigate it in the most accurate and precise way to help me make my more important decisions.

Europe. Away from Her.

Kim 

They were discharging me. Kevin and Becs hadn't left, not for a minute, and I owed my life to both of them. Literally because if it weren't for Becca, I would't be here at all. I would have been creeping on Kendall, paranormal activity style.

Kevin came into my room with an old man following at his heels. "Hello Ms Hadley. How are you feeling today?" He asked me kindly, though feigning cheerfulness.
"Better I guess." I shrugged slightly.
"That is certainly an improvement." He sighed heavily. I guess I couldn't blame him since my last response was 'I don't give two shits.'

Kevin sat beside me. I swung my legs off the bed and leaned into him. He smiled down at me. I smiled back. He put his arm around my shoulders.

"Kim, may I ask you why did you try to cut yourself? Because we can help you with all your problems; weather it's minor anxiety or depression. It's okay if you don't want to, I mustn't pressure you."

"I don't, Doctor Harold." I said. "I'll be fine" He nodded sadly.
"Alright, now Nurse Joy (yay pokemon) will be here soon. Mr Schmidt, if you will, you have to sign the discharge papers." Kevin nodded and followed Harold out of the door. Barely two minutes later, a nice lady will red hair entered. I changed out of the hospital gown silently. I went outside with Nurse Joy constantly telling me to take it easy for a while.

I saw Rebecca, Cole and Kevin gathered at the end of the hallway near the elevator. They all seemed to be conversing very intensely about something that put creases on Becca's temple. I slowly walked over to them, stopping when I was within earshot but Cole saw me and he glared at Kevin. He immediately stopped talking and engulfed me in a bear hug. I breathed in. He smelled just like Kendall did. No, of course he didn't. Kendall smelt like mowed grass, a little minty whereas Kevin smelt like caramel, which was a comfortable scent.

Cole and Rebecca soon left, but not before a meaningful glance towards Kevin- but the meaning, I never found out. Kevin drove me back to my place and he walked me in.

"Are you coming?" I asked, dreading the quiet. [ anything hurts less than the quite <3 ]
"No, sorry I have to get back. I'll come over tomorrow if you want?"
"Sure." I sort of smiled. He put his arm around my shoulders and pressed a kiss to the side of my head. "Take care, Kimmy."

I watched him get in his car, and he watched me get inside. We waved at each other and he drove away, disappearing into the maze of never-ending roads. I went into my living room and my eyes immediately fell on my beige and brown couch. "Hey babe. I missed you."