Always Yours: Words I Never Said

Chapter 10: Nostalgia & Night In's

Kim

I turned over on the couch, Fluffy on the floor beside me. I stroked her fur covered face and sighed. I felt like I was in the arena of a Hunger Games. Everything and everyone was vile and cruel and against me. But even the arena would have been better. At least someone would have killed me. I wasn't even allowed that.

If only, I had something of him. Something I could hold on to, and not just memories. Like Katniss had the pin. I needed my version of a Mockingjay pin- only I didn't want anything to revolutionize any further.

I thought back to my favorite time. The beach day, when everyone was brought together once again, and when I had almost drowned. Then I sat up, my eyes widening- I did have something. His clothes!

I flashed upstairs, sending my poor cat hissing and forced my bedroom door open. Panting, from the sudden burst of movement- the unfamiliar exert of energy was draining- my body had seriously lacked exercise. At that door I told myself I need to get out of the house again.

I opened my closet and rummaged through until on the last hanger, I found the sweat pants and the plaid shirt. I brought them out and nuzzled them. They still melt like him. I slid down the floor and held the fabric tightly between my hands- I didn't want to lose him any more than I already had. I remembered how I used to bury my face in his shirts, or how he would smile every time he'd see me, and how our kisses would be nothing but utter sweetness, and how are hugs were nothing but sheer affection.

But he didn't love me anymore. He was probably with someone else now. I knew it had only been a couple of weeks, but he could have met someone very easily. Lucy, Heather? And immediately, without thinking my fingers were scrolling and typing without me really realizing I was staring at his Twitter page.

I'm not sure how it made me feel. Perhaps more emptier than I already felt? Or maybe assured that he was safe, sound and happy. No, he wasn't happy. His earlier tweets were sad- but not about me. They were about the shows in Europe being cancelled. There wasn't a single tweet about us. I scrolled below that and soon I saw the first thing about me in weeks; and it only made me want to die a little more.

It was a picture of me, dressed in black. Jeans and a crop top. One hand on my hip, the other twirling a strand on hair, a sexy determined look on my face, captioned:

Eyes off people! She's mine.

I stifled a sob and let my shoulders fall. I closed my eyes and tried to stay alert.

How? I wondered. Why? Who did this to us? Who got the video from the paps? Who didn't want us together? Who would do something so dreadful and pathetic? Who didn't want me to be with him? God? Highly likely...but something told me there was more than just the Metaphysical involved.

-----

I switched the channel and made myself a meal of cold pizza. Heat it up! I heard my dad's voice scolding. I smiled sadly. Daddy. How I wish you were still with me.

I threw Fluffy some treat and settled back on the couch. I wished, hoped, prayed that I could just see him once again. Just once- be only for a minute. I just wanted to tell him that I still loved him. I love him, and just scream, one more time that I love him and not that hair changing bitch.

I leaned on my arms, remembering how he'd kissed me on his birthday. I bit my lips, blinking him out, but it didn't, instead, I heard a loud knock. I flinched, before making my way to the door. I looked through the peep-hole, expecting to see Kevin again, but instead, I saw my best friends. Mac and Becs. I smile lifted my face as I pulled the door open to reveal the two brunettes.

Look! It's the bronze-head trio!

"Kim!" Both of them squealed and threw themselves at me. I couldn't help but giggle.
"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, and instantly shut up- because I sounded like I was crying. They didn't notice, thankfully.

"We're here for a girl's night! Come on!" Mackenzie cheered and pulled us in. I put on a smile and followed her. "So what do you wanna do?" Rebecca asked.
"I don't know!" I shrugged. "You guys decide."

"Movies!" Mackenzie shouted and grabbed one off the stack against the wall. "Ooh, what about '17 Again'!? Lets watch that, ohmygosh Sterling Knight and Zac Efron can you even ask for more? Holy shit." She fan-girled. 
"We all have boyfriends." Rebecca pointed out, I really was surprised to feel not as hurt as I figured I should have been. I looked at both of them awkwardly before changing the subject. "Popcorn?" Rebecca went to make it while Mac and I set up the room. It's funny how they got along so well.

We settled down in blankets, munching our way through the movie. Afterwards, we challenged each other to undreamable dares. Dunking a whole bottle of cold water on Mackenzie and Freezing Becca in an insanely embarrassing position and then tickling her to death, then finally me- I was dared to imitate the person I hate the most so obviously I did Michael, though it felt very wrong to me. But they died of laughter anyway.

We were still laughing, panting and sighing while we waited for pizza.
"You know that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you realize the pizza boy is at the door and you just know that heaven is served?" I asked as I went to get the door. I smiled widely at the guy, tipped him and grabbed our pizza back to where the others sat.

"He looked kind of familiar." I stated, taking a slice of cheese and letting it melt in my mouth.
"Did he look like Stephen?" Rebecca smirked. We both knew he was gonna end up doing something like that anyway. "No, more like Zac." I said.

"Must be Dylan." Mackenzie said through a mouthful of pepperoni.
"Who?" I asked as I sipped my Sprite.
"Zac's brother." Rebecca said, drumming her fingers against her bottle.
"He's a pizza boy?" I asked
"Who knows." Mackenzie murmured indifferently.
"Sooo, what've you been up to?"
"Well, Cole and I are getting married really soon, so, since I don't have any sisters- and I don't know about my cousins- could you two be my bridesmaids?"
"Oh, my gosh yes!" I squealed.
"I'm in!" Mackenzie shouted.

We talked about her wedding some more and the next thing we knew, it was past midnight, and our heads were lolling on to our shoulders. "I swear I need my babe right now." Mackenzie muttered.

"Girl!" Rebecca said sternly in a voice that made me jump. She looked at my expression and surprise turned to alarm. I bit my lip. I didn't know why I was so touchy, I didn't exactly feel left out or alone. I should have been grateful for the time with them. But it still hurt that I no longer had a shoulder to cry or sleep on.

"Kim- I, I'm sorry I didn't mean to.." I shook my head and managed a smile.
"I know, and it's okay."
"No, Kim." She came and hugged me. "It's not okay. I shouldn't have said said that and I'm sorry. " She apologized. I sighed and gulped. Hard.

Mac backed away and she exchanged a look with Rebecca, their pained faces looking back at me.
"Kim," said my high school best friend. "M-maybe you should just..let it go."

"What?"

"Let it go, let it go, can't hold me back anymore." Mackenzie sang in off-key. What did she mean?
"Kim, you can't let him hold you back." She said.
"Mac- how can you say that?"
"She's right Kim," Rebecca interjected. "You have to let it go. You have to move on."

And suddenly, she got up and brought mu guitar back to me. She pressed it to my chest.
"You need this. You have to go back to what makes you happy- and what isn't a person." She talked over my attempts to cut her off.I stared down at the instrument in my lap. I licked my cracked lips and pressed them together before carefully placing my fingers against the wooden surface. I began to strum softly and both of the girls smiled identically at me. I began singing, but they soon joined in. We finished together, and I can't lie I felt lighter than I had in a month. My head was clearer, but then it all came back, flooding out the happiness. "I'm sorry guys...I need time."

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Probably the longest one of this book.
Lol, hahaha anyway- check out my new book- "MisAddressed."
And I merged like two chapter together here because they make
sense this way. The seemed like fillers to me before. ANYWAY.
I may merge the next two from my notebook but three more
tops before the actions rolls in. Sit tight! x