Always Yours: Words I Never Said

Chapter 11: When In Europe

Alright, quick little note before the chapter. Just one more, until the fun, okay? Sit tight! x

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Kendall 

'Let me sleep' was the first thing that I thought of when I woke up on the first morning of my trip to see the fans. I was tired, and I was beyond restless because the nightmares didn't allow me a wink of sleep. They were the same, every time I woke up and went back to sleep: A creature. Faceless and cold and it was hovering around Kim and it was like dark magic, because I couldn't do anything to get to her. My voice was lost and the sight of Kim's face going gaunt and colorless made me wake up panting and sweating. Over, and over again.

I'd spent my free minutes trying to figure out what she might have done to get her in the hospital for five days, but nothing came to my aid- and I was left swimming in my own pool of my own horrible thoughts...which was also the soul reason for the nightmares. I kept thinking of it and I kept imagining impossibly gruesome scenarios. 

Maybe I wanted her to go through that? I didn't know. I was losing myself.

I had been in Europe for three days and I figured that it was finally to see the little precious people. I was supposed to meet up with some girls in Birmingham. I sighed, rejecting my thoughts again and got dressed in comfortable attire for the day.

I got on to a train and it took about three years to get there. Somehow, it still didn't give me time to think. Three years should be enough, right? - But as soon as I saw the girls gathered to receive me, I couldn't help but smile. Some people did care for me, and I was more than grateful for them.

No way in hell was I going to let them feel I was upset or anything.

The second I stepped out the girls were surrounding me. I couldn't help but smile wider. Their beaming faces, excited squeals were enough to make anyone smile. I mean, who wouldn't feel happy knowing they were loved and admired.

"Heyyy." I smiled at all of them. First, we took photos and then because it was cold, I bought all of them coffee. We all settled down and talked about practically everything. New music, more concerts, Sissy, two of the girls actually gave me a razor so I could shave. Nah, I'm totally Team No Shave.

And then the talk turned to the duet.

"It was called off." I told them, feeling a painful pang remembering that night with Kim.

"Aw, but why?" Priscilla asked. She was a funny girl.

"Well...." I began slowly, not sure how to put it out. "Um, we uhh sort of- we...we broke up." And saying it out loud in front of all the girls kind of just confirmed it. Kevin was something different, but this was a public announcement. 

"Oh, my gosh it's true then!" One of them shrieked- and immediately covered her mouth.
"What's true?" Asked another.

She looked at me uncertainly. I looked away.
"Th-the news on MTV. That Kim's with..." She trailed off. I guess I must have looked pretty bad. I didn't want it to be like that. I wanted to forget. I really did. 

The rest of the day went on without a single mention of the song, but I could feel them whispering about it. I was okay with it, as long as I wasn't included in the conversation. But I couldn't help but feel bad every time someone said thank you for the coffee or asked about a song because literally everything had something to do with her...and I couldn't stop myself from missing her. Because I just did. I missed Miss Hadley, and I didn't want to. I didn't want to believe that what I had done was wrong. I didn't go back to what I came from. I couldn't trust her...could I?

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Okay this is horribly
short. I'm sorry. Just one more!