Always Yours: Words I Never Said

Chapter 12: Masquerade

(Pls read) Quick News: I've skipped/fused some chapters from my notebook because I think I was kind of naive when I wrote this. Also, I've been editing these chapters as I go and I'm pretty happy with how this is turning out. Now, about Kim- she has returned to the studio about a week and a half ago. This chapter takes place about three weeks after the previous one. 

Song: Masquerade by Queen Jasmine Villegas
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Kim 

It was past 10 AM when I woke up. I blinked to remove the dreams from my vision and instantly forgetting the stupid thing. I checked the time and found I had just enough time for a little bit of lying around till I had to get to the studio and work. It was a bright Monday morning. A week to go until Christmas. 

Songs. Mistletoe. Blame it on the Mistletoe. Kendall. Gone. Out of your life - may I point out that I no longer care very much. Things happen. We happened. We had what we had, and I cherished it, but my friends were right. I couldn't let him hold me back. I couldn't let myself hold on to him and thus, hold me back. We may have been the dream team, but all good things must come to an end.

I pushed all thoughts to the back of my mind and took a warm shower, taking my time in lathing my hair with nice-smelling concoctions. I stepped out, wrapping a bathrobe around my bare self and used another towel tower up my hair on the top of my head.

Emerging from the shower, I was all steamed up, and the air in my room was actually so very cold compared to that that when it hit my face, I felt refreshed. Yet I shivered a little. I pulled out a full sleeved violet top, tight jeans and a grey zipped hoodie. I closed the door- but not until I had caught sight of them. The clothes.

I felt happy wearing all my favorite colors and my hair, now blow-dried, sat very snugly around my face. 'Hall Of Fame' by The Script was bellowing in my ears. At least it wasn't quite as the dead any more. I dragged a hand through my dark locks, styling them the way I did. I unplugged my phone from the charger and went straight outside into the sleet.

It wasn't exactly snowing. Just the wind was really cruel and .... it was sleet. Not snow though.

"Miss Hadley!" A sweet motherly voice called. I turned around to see Rosa, the new housekeeper. The first, actually. It was Rebecca's idea, since I was falling to pieces, I needed someone to look after me. Well. The house, more like it. I was barely home after I left in the morning. I was pushing through. I was finding my way again. I was on the road to get better. I knew it, but the sun was a while.

"Yeah?" I asked. "And, Rosa, please-"
"Alright, alright!" She blustered and smiled.
"Kim. Sweetie, you haven't had any breakfast. Do you want me to whip you up something special to start off the week?" She asked. I smiled, amused, but shook my head.
"Do you want something to take along for lunch?"
"I'm not six, Rosa." I laughed. "I'll eat outside, don't worry." She made a face.
"It's not healthy...the things they put it in the food- who knows?" pressed my lips together, holding back a grin. She pushed on. "How about some coffee? Hot chocolate?"
I gave in. "The latter. Thanks." I said and sat down on the front steps, looking at the white flowers I'd forgotten the name of. The ones that can survive the harsh winter. 

I wanted to see Kendall. I know what I said earlier, but I just wanted to see him. One more time- not to cry or plead or beg him to come back. This time, I didn't want his attention. This time, I didn't want the comfort of his arms. This time, I didn't want his eyes on me, or the warmth of his smile. This time, I wanted his forgiveness.

Because whatever happened, and whatever that caused it weren't my biggest priorities. What I wanted the most, was him to forgive me; because of all the pain he had from the past years, I had somehow indirectly, but surely doubled it. I was the worst in his eyes.

I wanted to look up into his green orbs because I knew that I'd see his heart crystal clear, but maybe he'd look back,and his eyes would clear up. He would show me his cover up. His hatred will come back. The lies he heard will come rushing back.

Or maybe the other way around?

When he'd see me, maybe he'd look at me, and see me crystal clear, but he would overlook it. Turn his back one me. He'd move on.

"Kim," Rosa was back. "Here you go." I quickly drowned the pleasant drink and jumped in my car. I turned up the radio and waited for the advertisement to finish. I drove away from the suburbs and into the heavy traffic. I stopped at a red light and surprisingly I was in front. Another favorite voice of mine singing. It was Jasmine Villegas. (im sorry guys im really sorry.) 

I always liked her songs. True, raw, angry. Funny thing was, this song described my situation.

'I'd like to take this time,
to apologize, the way you see me now,
and what I am inside-' 

That was it, wasn't it? I wasn't what he thought I was. I may have appeared as a traitor, but on the inside I loved him just as much....or rather, used to. 

'I saw your heart crystal clear,
and when you looked back in mine,
all the lies reappeared.' 

That was how he saw me. Maybe he thought of me, but then remembered what had happened, what I had unintentionally done to him, and all the rage takes over him. He pushes me aside.

'Masquerade, masquerade, masquerade.'

What if it's true? I thought as I put the car in gear again.
Maybe it was a masquerade. The two of us dancing, wearing masks that hid what we really were. Leaving our lives behind to dress up and blend into the other, to please the other one and not caring about the peers. But wearing masks, so not even ourselves could find who we were. We'd masked our own existence.

So wrapped up in our dance, that we forgot there were other dancers in the ballroom. Some turning a blind eye on us, the others well- just watching us. Hidden behind the curtains. Watching us. Observing us. Noticing every move.

Hidden from us, concealed. Plotting.

May their brain were whirring into action as we danced. Planning, and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Setting up the scenario. Setting traps in our way to trip us. Separate us. 

But what if it was just Kendall wearing the mask? Because I was exposed to it I was bare to the harsh air. I was the one who feel first. I got the first blow. And then another blow. He fell on top of me, but he got up and left me lying in the middle of the floor.

'You're not the only one, I'm sure that hearing it hurts
For all the pain you had, I'm the worst ion your eyes, tonight...' 

Maybe he was the one wearing a mask. Those green eyes hiding secrets, showed more pain than surely all I could have caused. Maybe he wore the mask to protect me- so I wouldn't worry. So I would leave it alone. But even if he was hurt before, I was the one who increased it. It was my fault that I let that little interview be ruined. Why did I have to be so sarcastic. Why couldn't I watch my step from the start? Why did I give up-

And then suddenly there was a fire kindling inside me.

I was gonna find out what happened. I couldn't give up. Even if he didn't want me back, at least I wanted to know who did it. I couldn't give up on the one I love even if he didn't love me anymore.

There was only one person I could think of who would try to pull me away from Kendall. Just one, and I was pretty sure they were dancing close by as well.

'Masquerade, masquerade, masquerade, masquerade.' 

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Excuse the grammar
typos if any. I don't feel 
like proof reading.