Rebuilt ➳ Bellamy Blake [2] ON HOLD

nineteen

At first we sat in silence, him waiting for me to respond to his question and me eagerly trying to find a way out of answering it.

Then the sighing began as if we were both disappointed with each other. In a way I knew he had a right to be, but that didn't change the feeling I had inside at the sound of it.

Finally, the quiet yelling and angered words started as he repeatedly tried to get me to communicate while I tirelessly attempted to make him move on from the subject.

"Explain it to me, I want to know what really happened to you," He stands from where he was sitting, a move I had did minutes earlier as my anger and nervousness began to grow.

"What happened to me doesn't matter, what matters is it's over. I just want to move on from it and me telling you about it is not going to change it-"

"It might not change it, but it might help-"

"it is not going to help so stop pretending like it's going to matter-"

With one last angry noise he turns around and takes the remaining step closer to me. I don't move back showing him how serious I am. Although I felt like nothing could tear me down the next words to leave his mouth almost threw me to the ground," it matters to me because I care about you. Because I god damn love you and you're acting like you're unimportant, Elena."

I take a step back as if he had physically attacked me. I know the words are meant to be heartfelt and are supposed to make you feel butterflies inside, but all I felt was fear. Of what? I wasn't sure exactly.

Maybe the fear of knowing loving someone in this world only meant more heartache and pain than I could take. Maybe knowing loving him could be the best thing I've ever done, but losing it could very much be the worst.

I slowly shake my head trying to connect his words to the deep feelings inside of me, but it felt like nothing was working. My mind was going haywire and I felt like a fuse about to burst. "What?"

It was the only word that made any type of sense in that moment. What the hell was he thinking? Love me? The crazy girl with the past that someone could write a tragic play about? He doesn't respond, just looks at me with those eyes that now I know are a curse.

"Why would love me?" I know my words are quiet and much softer than the ones I was speaking a moment ago, but when he moves closer I know he heard me.

I feel his arm reach behind me and pull my body closer to his. Even though the rush of safety with him being near comes, I can't help but still notice the complete fear inside me at the lone thought of loving someone.

"Why wouldn't I love you? Everything about you makes me love you and honestly I thought that was pretty clear. Although I should have known you wouldn't have seen it, which is just another reason why I do. I could stand here and tell you all the reasons why I do, and by the time I'm done the Grounders will probably have overrun this whole place without us even noticing, or you can tell me how you feel right now."

Helplessly the water in my eyes starts to gather, but I refuse to cry. Instead I just shake my head and tell him honestly what thoughts are replaying in my head.

"I am so scared, so petrified, to love you," I feel him slightly tense around me, but he doesn't move away. "I know at any moment I could lose you. Hell, I already thought I did. So, I'm terrified to fall in love with you, but it is so hard not to. And sadly I think I already did."

Instead of humiliating myself any further by actually looking up to his face, I pull him closer and lay my head against his shoulder. To think that I was completely alone was outrageous when I should have seen what was in front of me.