Heartless Betrayal

Chapter 20 - Broken

Chapter 20

ALEX’S P.O.V

I watch the paper slip from between my fingers without even feeling it go, my whole body numb. I can’t move, I’m frozen in place. I feel as if all the blood has drained from my body, taking with it every emotion I was previously feeling. I am semi-conscious of the fact that Keegan has picked up the letter and is now reading it for himself, but I can’t seem to conjure up any feeling. My eyes are locked on my fingers where the letter was only a moment ago, I can’t seem to move them.

I am jolted back into reality by the sound of glass smashing against the cold white walls of the hospital waiting room. My eyes flick to an enraged Keegan, standing in front of the wall that he’d just used as a target. I watched as he collapsed to his knees once again, his hands moving to cover his face as tears continued to roll down his cheeks.

I felt my throat closing in, stopping the air flow until a strangled sob escaped my mouth, bringing with it all the tears that I had been trying so hard to hold in. There was nothing stopping them now as I doubled over from the pain in my chest.

We sat there for over an hour, both of us, broken. I couldn’t figure out how she’d wound herself so tightly around both of our hearts, it felt like someone burned a hole in my chest to pull her from me, and now all I am left with is a gaping hole.

A nurse came in after a while, she looked at the shattered glass and smiled sadly, bending down to clear it up. She later re-appeared holding two cups of soup, placing them on the table in front of me. I had been sitting just staring at it for quite some time before I finally moved my arm to wrap my hand around the warm paper cup. I could feel the soup going down my throat but I couldn’t taste anything, everything was still numb. Keegan had exhausted himself out and fell asleep against the wall around 10 minutes ago.

What am I even doing here? None of this will bring her back, I can’t just sit here wishing that some miracle will happen and she’d still be alive. It doesn’t happen. I sighed weakly, slowly getting to my feet and grabbing the other mug of soup. I walked over to Keegan and nudged him awake with my foot.

                “Come on mate, we should go. This isn’t going to bring her back.” I was surprised at how weak my voice sounded, it didn’t even sound like me.

                “Why her.” He whispered, the pain in my chest magnified at how broken Keegan sounded.

                “She was too good for us,” I said, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, “God needed one of his angels back.” I felt my voice crack, I don’t know who I was trying to convince more, him or me.

We were both silent as we walked back to the car, I tossed my empty soup cup in the bin and then dug around in my pocket for my car keys, out of the two of us I knew I was in a more stable position to drive. Keegan slowly climbed into the passenger seat and just sat staring out the windscreen.

                “Put your seatbelt on, mate.” I said softly, sliding the keys into the ignition. “You definitely need it today, I’m not sure I’m fit to drive right now.” I said honestly, my voice cracking.

                “I don’t want to be safe.” He said weakly, “I just want all the pain to stop.”

KEEGAN’S P.O.V

                “I just want all the pain to stop.” I whispered, not trusting my voice, I know the second I allow myself to speak I will break down again. She kept appearing in the hospital waiting room. She wouldn’t leave me alone. She kept hugging me, she kept talking to me, and then when I realised it was just my imagination, I cried again.

This isn’t like any pain I’ve ever felt. This isn’t just in my mind, this isn’t just physical pain. This is soul wrenching pain, it’s dragging everything out of me, and I don’t know if I can survive it. I don’t know if anyone could. This is dying, it’s worse than dying. It hurts more, it has to.

I lean my head against the cold glass of the window, it’s almost as if I can feel someone’s hands around my throat, slowly but surely tightening, making breathing almost impossible. The ache in my chest makes me want to just pull my heart out and throw it against a wall.

Anything to make it all stop.

I take a deep breath as we pull up at the apartment. I feel sick to my stomach, I don’t know how I will react to being there without her. I slide my hand into my pocket, my fingertips grasping for the small folded piece of paper, the last thing I have of her. Alex glances over at me before turning the car off and taking a paper cup from the cup holder.

                “Just come in when you’re ready.” He sighs sadly, closing the door behind him and walking up the path. I don’t even flinch as he throws the cup to the ground angrily, its contents spilling over the concrete path. I unfold the letter carefully, my hands shaking as I read over the words again and again. I imagine her saying them to me, she’s in front of me, her eyes gleaming. I feel my chest tighten unbearably as I watch her vanish again. I am alone.

I blink as a drop of water falls on to the paper, causing the ink to run a little. I quickly fold it back up, not wanting to damage it any further, but the tears don’t stop. Why couldn’t it have been me? I would have taken her place without a second thought, she didn’t deserve to die.

I suddenly grew angry. Toby did this, it’s all his fault, and if not for him she would still be alive. I slam my hand down on the dashboard, sobs taking over my body once again. I close my eyes and she appears in front of me again, but this time she isn’t smiling. It’s as if my mind is torturing me on purpose, it’s all I can see. It’s as clear as anything, she’s lying back under that window, her clothes drenched from the water continuing to pour out the window. I run over to Alex, but this time it’s not Alex bent over her. Toby lifts his head from her chest and stares right at me, smirking evilly before taking a pistol from his pocket and holding it to her head, his eyes never leaving mine.

                “N..no!” I stutter, forcing my eyes open to get rid of the image. Chills ran down my spine at the image of him. I had only seen him in a photo I’d received in the mail, and thinking back now I guess he’d sent it. Even then it’d sent shivers down my spine. It was a photo of he and Sydney, but there was something in his eyes that had frightened me. I should have asked her about it at the hospital, but something had stopped me. It had been in the mail that morning when she was setting up for that band. The photo was in a blank envelope, it was the only thing that was inside along with a small scrap of paper that read; “Nothing is ever as it seems.”

Thinking about it now I guess it was right, Sydney isn’t even Sydney. Wasn’t. I am reminded by my sub-conscious, it feels like a blow to the gut. I really don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and open the passenger door to get out of the car. I quickly move up to the front door, dodging whatever it was that Alex threw to the ground and take one more deep breath before stepping through the doors towards the elevator.

A/N 

I know it's shorter than usual but I wanted to have a chapter showing how Alex and Keegan were feeling. It's still two pages on word so I don't all start complaining:L I'll make sure I update faster this time.

Thinking of changing the name of this story because "Heartless Betrayal" isn't really doing it for me and it just seems annoying, if anyone has any ideas for a title please comment because I can't think of a good one. 

Deanna :)