This Could Be Us But You Playing

Chapter 23: I Want You

"Hey. It's me again. I've been coming here for about a week now and... I don't know. I'm still confused. You're not really helping here either. I just need something to tell me what to do. If I'm doing the right thing here. It's hard only talking to you and not getting a response. If someone saw me they would probably think I was crazy but this is the only thing I can depend on right now to give me a some sort of sign that I'm making the right choices."

"I've been hanging with Kendall alot lately. She's pretty oblivious to what I'm going through with everything right now since I always say it's work that's bothering me. She's really helpful though and makes me forget about some stuff for a little while. It's really cool how she can be this helpful to me without even knowing. Everyday since the first day I've been here she's been asking me if I'm any closer to an answer. I usually just smile and say maybe. But I'm really struggling. I tried to talk to Mom about it but it isn't the same. She's so biased to how me and Kendall used to be that she just sort of wants us to be together."

"And I try to talk to Cami about it but she's biased to Dinah because of how I always used to talk about her. But even that's a struggle because I'd be jumping out on the edge if I gave her a chance. She was right, I am trying to play it safe, but what's so bad about that? I know how Kendall acts and what she likes. Her family is basically mine already and vice versa. There's not much new territory I have to cover if I get back with Kendall."

"But it's different with Dinah. I already know her family and stuff, but I don't think they see me for their daughter like the Kardashian family does. And I don't know what it would be like to be in a relationship with her. Well, I sort of do because of us sneaking around and stuff. But what if that's all that she was into? The adrenaline from cheating and hiding from our friends. What if I pick her and I wasn't what she wanted because the feeling she got from hiding isn't what she gets from being out in the open with me?"

"But... I guess what I'm really afraid of is that I'll be like that. I'll date her and I'll have her to call my own and I'll figure out that she just isn't the one I want. That'll probably be what breaks me the most. I've been in love with her for over 4 years and if I date her and lose her because I was stupid... I don't know, Dad. I can't even fathom the thought of losing her. She's way too important to me to just drop. I don't know what I'll do if she stops talking to me because that happened."

"Even though I'm the one avoiding her now. She's been trying to talk to me since our argument but I ignore her calls. And messages. She even tries to send the other girls to try and talk to me but I ignore them when they bring anything up about her, or the argument."

"And our fans don't make it any easier. Ever since Harmonizers have seen Dinah so upset, they've been trying to figure out what's wrong with her. And they know that when the girls are around me that they are happier and more energetic. So, Harmonizers have been on my butt trying to get me to spend some time with the girls."

"And my fans notice a slight change in me too. So, they are just as persistent to try and get me happy again. So they teamed up with Harmonizers and now every day for the past week some type of phrase has trended and they've said that it won't stop until we hang out. So, that's happening soon and that's just going to be awkward."

"Especially since I haven't talked about what exactly happened in the studio that day. And as far as I know neither has Dinah because they are still on our case about what happened. They apparently only caught my actual rant about you. So, they pretty much know everything but they want the whole story. And I feel really bad about it because Camila would usually know about it by now but all she's going to tell me is that I need to talk to Dinah. But I don't think I can do that. At least not right now."

My phone pinged cutting me off from my monologue that I was making to the headstone.

From - Destiny Pooh🤓: Are you on the way??