KLPD: How my Shitzophrenia began.

Phantom love

I fell for someone named Calypso.

She was Buttercup's fifteen year old sister. Yes, I know, I fell for the sister of someone I took as my elder sister: Game of thrones doesn't hold a candle to it.

I would like to explain this because I don't believe that everyone has actually understood this.

It was 17th of October

Buttercup had been telling me about her fifteen year old sister for the past few days and I knew she didn't exaggerate. I had learned to believe her with blind eyes, so when she said that her sister is nice, well-charactered, and kind; I knew I was in love. That's it.

That's all it took.

A testimony from an honest person to a liar like me that someone is kind and has high standards was enough for me to go head over heels.

Imagine the power of love. The mere mention of Calypso had not only RIPPED the seeds of hatred and apathy planted deep in my heart due to Aussie's departure, but also nurtured a garden of love. I was a changed man. I was genuinely happy around this time even though things around me kept falling apart (See: 'she's changed, man...')

The first person to know about my crush on Calypso wasn't Azrael or Ashtar, (as a matter of fact, I wasn't talking to both of them due to the occurences) but it was Huggy.

She had seen Calypso (Buttercup had sent her a picture; perks of being a girl!) and she always said that she was very pretty.

Big words+ Vivid Imagination+ hormones= delusional conclusions

Huggy had always advised me to at least talk about it with Buttercup but I was too afraid to lose my sister.

Then one night, it all changed.

I can simply never forget the day.

It was 23rd October, the 9th of Muharram (First month of Islamic Lunar Calendar)

I was at my village mansion, and it was nighttime. I was busy talking to Buttercup and I was on the rooftop. I was wearing a black kurta, something that reminded me of buttercup anyway as Black was her favourite color. That night, I lost it. I said it. I told her I loved her sister.

I legit thought of almost every single explanation I could possibly give if she lashes out, even the old trick in the book where you say it was my sibling! AH! what a douche!

Did I have to make an excuse? No.

Buttercup, on the other hand, said: Like I didn't know.

She knew I liked her and she was okay with it. I told her I'd keep my distance but she said she knew I won't do anything like that.

I never approached Calypso, still haven't, probably never will. She's happy where she is and I offer nothing but discontentment and a life full of instability in exchange for love and loyalty. Though I did write a letter to Calypso, I never sent it to Buttercup. I sent it to Ashtar as well, but she never read it completely. Azrael read it and knew I was screwed.

My life wasn't all roses however. I faced suspicion from Buttercup. She said she had no problem with me liking her sister but HOW could I like her when I hadn't TALKED TO HER, LISTENED TO HER, AND SEEN HER? It was one of those seldom moments where I am at a loss of words. Even though I am known to drive the conversation from one point to my forte point and then twist it into something else entirely when I don't know the answer, this question was so legit that even I was perplexed at it.

Azrael later added that maybe I loved the IDEA of Calypso: A fictional character whose image I had painted myself unknowingly who just so happens to be perfect for me.

Whether he's right or wrong, I can't say because till date, I have had no way to explain my feelings even though I've seen Calypso now.

All I could say is that I love her beyond measure and many have advised me to either man up and get her or drop the idea of having her but the fact is I never wanted to have her, I honestly would turn her away if she herself comes to me because I know I ruin the lives of girls I hold onto as a partner. So while I think about Calypso almost all the time, I think it's fair that there's a 600KM distance between us.

One more thing to be noted is that this chapter will, in particular, keep lengthening or getting changed somehow because I am never bore or exhausted from writing about Calypso.