I cant even... Connor Franta. (fan fiction of course)

18. It's long over due.

"I don't know what to do or say any more." Connor breathed out after several minutes of silence. 

"Then don't do or say anything. Just go." I motioned towards the door and took a deep breath in. 

"That's not what I want to do though." He shook his head then rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Maybe it's not what you want to do, but you have to do it anyway. I can't do this anymore, kid. I can't keep thinking that this will actually work out. I can't keep hoping we can have a normal relationship--" 

"It is normal." Connor cut me off. I just ignored his comment and continued on. 

"Nothing about this is normal. I just can't do it." I finished, praying he would just leave so I could quit arguing with him. I wanted him, I really did. But it's just not right. It's not good for either of us, and I can't keep pretending that it is. He needs to go. 

"I'm not going anywhere." 

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not." 

"Yes, Connor. Go." 

"No, babe. I'm staying." 

"Don't call me that." I cringed at him calling me "babe." He looked at me confused, he didn't understand the discomfort it caused me. He won't ever understand. 

"But--" He was interrupted by my dad swinging my door open. 

"What's going on in here, kiddos?" He cheerily greeted the two of us, and was followed into my room by my mom. I looked into her eyes, hoping she could sense the mood I was in. 

"Nothing." I attempted to smile, so I wouldn't break down in front of the three of them. "Connor was just leaving." He wouldn't fight with me in front of my parents. At least I hoped he wouldn't. 

"I'm not leaving, Denny." He grabbed my wrist as I tried to squeeze past my parents. I shook his hand off me. 

"Yes, you are, Connor." I fled from my room and down the stairs, him just a few steps behind me. I quickly opened the front door and gestured for him to leave, my head down. He slowed his steps to a hault in front of me, his breathing heavy. 

"No." He shut the door harshly, I jumped when he slammed it, but stood in the same place. "Why is it so hard for you to realize that maybe someone in this world actually cares about you?! Why can't you accept that someone actually loves you? Why can't you just let me in? I've been standing here for what feels like forever now, knocking. And knocking. And knocking. And just when I think you're gonna answer something gets in the fucking way, and you don't. You leave me there. You leave me there waiting and hoping and trying to get in. And it's hard, Hayden. It's so fucking hard." 

"I let you in, Connor!" I screamed in his face. I was so tired of this. "I did! I gave in and I gripped the handle and you just waltzed in. It's like you don't realize that. It took a lot of trust to do that. And what you don't seem to understand is that, this is all I am. I'm empty. I'm broken. It's like I'm not even there. So you don't feel like I'm there to trust you, cause I'm long gone. I'm nothing." 

My parents watched and listened to our argument from the stairs. They didn't say anything, thank God. They knew better then to get involved right now. 

"You're not nothing. You're everything. You're everything to me." He told me with sad eyes. I just wanted this to be over with. I just wanted him to leave. The words that came out of my mouth next were the hardest I've ever had to say. 

"Well, you're not everything to me, kid." 

He inhaled deeply and his face lost all color, he looked so helpless. He started towards me, I thought he was going to hit me, or grab me, or I don't know what. I didn't look at him, I just turned my face to the side. He reached around me and grabbed the door handle, looking at me the whole time. 

Before he left I felt his foot gently tap the tip of mine.

Then he was gone. 

~Author's Note!~ I apologize for such a long wait! School has taken over my life! hahah :) But I hoped you enjoyed the chapter! I'm procrastinating on homework just to write this for you guys. :) Hopefully the next chapter wont take as long next time. <3 ~Stay Awkward~